


Hard Feelings.

by pacw0man



Series: If I. [3]
Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non Idol Verse, Panic Attacks, Post-Break Up, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Smoking, Smut, Swearing, breakdown - Freeform, exs to friends to lovers, i project myself on wonwoo a lot sorry, i still don't know how to tag, side junhao, side soonhoon, side verkwan - Freeform, wonwoo centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-04-01 05:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pacw0man/pseuds/pacw0man
Summary: He doesn’t like how he can’t seem to be able to breathe or to think, or even to move at all, completely frozen. This is not how he had planned to meet the younger again.“Wonwoo!” The dark-haired is so into his own head that he doesn’t notice the cries from his friends. It seemed like the whole world had disappeared the moment he saw Mingyu, like some sort of sick dream.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would highly recommend reading the first two shots to understand this fic a little bit better, but i don't think it's strictly necessary.  
> Non beta readed.

**Chapter 1.**

_Seoul, Korea._

_Warm hands travelled down his spine, skin barely touching skin and raising goosebumps as they went, a trail of sparks, pure electricity between the two males that laid on the same bed. He looked back, eyelids heavy as sleep was finally getting to him, and dark eyes meet even darker eyes. The younger male was already looking at him, a fond, soft smile on his lips, and even softer look in his eyes._

_His eyes._

_He always got stuck, lost, in those. There were things hidden behind the almost black orbs that were still a mystery to Wonwoo and it ticked him the wrong way, but it also made him want to know the boy he loved even more, so maybe one day there wasn’t mysteries between them._

_Before he could even speak, the boy closed the distance between their bodies, palm flat on the small on his naked back, his touch always landing a mark that Wonwoo was sure would never left him in a million years. Up close, the younger was even more breath-taking, if that was possible in the first place. The long lashes fluttered with every little moment his eyes did as he read his face, framing his eyes perfectly and creating beautiful dancing shadows on his cheeks. His skin was golden and glowed with what he liked to think was the same shine of his heart reflecting on the outside. He could see little scars here and there, the moles that complimented his features so perfectly and the little baby hairs around his bushy eyebrows. His nose, Wonwoo always thought, was a piece of art on his own, the perfect length and without a misplaced curve. But then again, it was his lips, reddish (after being bitten for so long), soft flesh, that were his favourite part of the younger man. – And probably his favourite place of the whole world._

_The soft petals were parted open, a teasing smirk could be found in the seams of his lips, tugging at them to grow bigger, and even a softer pink pillow run his way through the white pearls. It stopped on the slightly larger canine on his left, and Wonwoo had never wanted to be bitten more than in that exact moment. Something about the whole action was so exhilarating that it had Wonwoo trembling before he even had the chance to be touched. It was always like that with the puppy like boy, he always knew how to press his button, when, and the exact pressure he had to apply, never too much, never too early._

_An unsatisfied little groan left the raven-haired lips as he looked up, straight to the eyes of his lover once again. He was growing impatient, wanting to feel him all over him and in all the places he never knew he could feel. He almost felt like a junkie, the other man was his drug and he needed his dose already. Everything felt too intimate, too many emotions pouring out of Wonwoo’s smaller frame, he wanted to be held close until skin melted into skin._

_The taller chuckled lightly, enjoying the way everything about Wonwoo screamed his want for him while his hands drew lazy patterns on the naked expanse of his back. Wonwoo arched his back, impatiently asking for more in the way he knew the younger was crazy for, baring his neck and showing the ghostly white skin screaming to be marked with patches of red and purple until he felt like he was going to combust. Wonwoo’s hands were quick to find their place on the male’s chest, pressing themselves against the soft skin and feeling the quickened heartbeat that made Wonwoo feel at ease somehow, knowing he wasn’t the only one feeling like his heart was going to jump out of his body in any moment given._

_A little smile danced on his lips at this, nails digging down onto the flesh like he wanted to feel more of the other, like he wanted to be so inside of him forever, his smile grew bigger noting the small growl that resonated low on the other’s boy throat, the warmth on his stomach growing in intensity quickly._

_But his smile was quick to disappear, as his lover grinded down on him slowly as if to make the moment last longer, lips now parted open as a whimper left him, hands clutching onto the flesh harder and eyes glossing over with lust as his lids heaved and he just wanted to close them and feel it again. He watched as his lover’s jaw was set as he gritted his teeth, bathing himself in the pleasure the small gesture was brought. It was intoxicating, how the both of them felt so much pleasure with so little. The younger repeated the motion, a little deeper, a little harder but maintaining the pace, their clothed cocks brushing against each other in a sensual movement, and Wonwoo couldn’t help but whimper a little louder. He needed more, he needed it harder, he needed him._

_Wonwoo threw his head back, eyes finally closing with all the passion and want, neck bared and creating a beautiful arch, and the boy on top of him closed the distance, mouth finding its rightful place under his neck, teeth scraping the surface before enclosing around the desired area, lips falling down as he sucked and bit down, and Wonwoo could feel how his skin was almost breaking at the ministrations, yet he wanted that. His hand flew from his chest to his brownish hair, tugging as slowly as the younger grinded on him, tickling him under the jaw where the little hairs escaped his desperate hands._

_The smaller cried a little when the other went to other patch of skin, marking him yet again, loving the way he was being marked, claimed as his, and he could feel the smirk against his neck at his cries. A wet feeling invaded him, the cold making him shiver a little as the tongue danced its way until it reached his ear._

_“Shhh” the husky baritone voice filled his ears and his pupils started to engulf every other colour in his eyes “Shush baby boy, I’ve got you” Wonwoo could easily distinguish the teasing and mischief in his voice, yet all he wanted to do was to feel it deeper._

_Wonwoo could only moan pathetically, eyes opening and head moving until he could look at the boy in the eyes._

_“You just gotta do one thing, baby boy” he spoke again and the mischief on his tone didn’t match the almost animalistic lust in his eyes “Just say my name, and I’ll give you everything”_

_His lips opened again, and before he could even mutter a word, more moans spill out, the grinding now quicker._

_“M-m…” he tried, but his speech was cut down by himself bitting down on his full lip._

_“Say it” urges the male again, a whisper as if they weren’t the only persons in the whole apartment in that moment, but it only adds to the fire on Wonwoo’s stomach._

_“Mm… M!”_

_“Just once baby boy, and you’ll be coming in no time”_

_His eyes focused finally enough, his mind giving him a small break, just enough to be able to utter the words he desperately wanted to get out of his throat. His eyes meet the younger one’s again, but is like the realization hits him finally, the air leaving his lungs._

“M-Mingyu” he moans as he wakes up, cold sweat all over him and a boner right in his middle section. The raven-haired groans, squeezing his eyes shut as he presses down the heels of his palms on them.

The male had thought that the dreams about his ex-boyfriend had ended back in college, when the wound was still very much open. In those times Wonwoo would dream about Mingyu every night. Sometimes it was sad, sometimes it was sweet and loving, others he could finally confront the younger, and others were purely sexual. With time, however, the dreams had become sparser, just as his thoughts of the boy who left him, but they were still there, in the back of his mind and it bothers him much more than he would admit.

It’s been years since Mingyu left, after all.

He directs his eyes towards the alarm clock sitting on his left, the neon yellow numbers making him squint due their brightness. He sighs as he reads 5:41 am, way too soon for his morning routine but the male knows he won’t be catching any more sleep anymore.

Still, he lays down on the mattress again. The softness of the sheets and their washed out white colour remind him of clouds and after that dream he asks himself if he is still falling. Wonwoo closes his eyes for a moment, memories and feelings filling him as he breathes in.

After their eventful and tragic break-up (could it even be considered that?) and months of pitying himself and even failing a bunch if his classes, he soon decided he couldn’t mop forever the lose of a lover who probably was better without him anyway. He wanted to be better because the tears obviously wouldn’t make him any good, if his grades were any indication of it. So instead, Wonwoo did that he did better, and started to study day and night, filling the little free time he had with books and his friends. He could feel the dull ache in his guts sometimes when he was reunited with everyone and seeing only one person absent, but after months he grew accustomed to it.

Everyone did.

And somehow, his relationship with Minghao grew too. They, that started as acquittances, became attached to the hip as Wonwoo found in the Chinese a confident. Minghao would listen to him ramble for hours, or he would listen to the memories that flooded Wonwoo sometimes, and he would always be there to hold him when the emotions became too much. Also, it helped that the younger one started to get more interested in literature, so Wonwoo found himself recommending books to him, or they could both be found reading in silence in the dark of Wonwoo’s apartment.

 He wouldn’t dare to put a name on the friendship he shared with him, but he knew from the beginning it was something more intimate than he was used to. And he kind of liked it.

With every year that passed, Wonwoo matured more and more, his dreams of becoming an author were soon discarded after days of sitting in different places and trying to write something down. Instead, he decided to go down another path, seeing how he still enjoyed the knowledge about languages, and after spending some of his time teaching the proper use of Korean to his two Chinese friends and the American one, he felt the passion for teaching growing in him.

When he told his parents about his new career, they were both amazed and at the same time really proud of him for finding something he really enjoyed. That’s how Wonwoo ended graduating as someone qualified to teach Korean.

After college, he felt proud of his decision, and even if work can get too much sometimes and his patient running low, it was when one of his students came at him with eyes full of excitement about acing their college entry exam in his class that he realizes he made the right decision.

After all these good thoughts replace the bad things that sometimes cloud his mind, Wonwoo finally sits up again on the bed, stretching his limbs and hearing his back crack a little before heading to the shower for both reasons: a) to initiate his morning with a fresh, clean start and b) to…  “relax” from the hanging, hard problem between his legs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With his hair still wet, Wonwoo walks his way into the kitchen of his little apartment. He is really proud of himself, having achieved such a nice place at such a young age. It isn’t that big or new, but it’s cosy, red bricks on his walls and a few little cactuses on the shelf by the kitchen’s window. The view is not that great, but he didn’t plan to sit on the balcony unless it was to smoke, and soon he realized he didn’t have to smoke on the balcony because he didn’t live with Soonyoung anymore.

He hums as he prepares his coffee, full of milk and sugar because he really cannot digest bitterness, and while the noise of the coffee machine reverberates through the room, Wonwoo walks to his cactuses, a little loving gaze directed to them.

“Hey there gorgeous,” he starts, a little amused by his own antics “did you pass a good night?”

The male waits a little, as if the plants could really speak and were answering him, telling him all about their night in the kitchen “I see, wow,” he snickers

“Well, well, you are growing some nice little flowers here, they surely weren’t here yesterday” he directs to the bigger one on the left and comes closer to scan the reddish flower on top of it.

The coffee machine stops its pouring and Wonwoo stretches the fabric on his sleeves until he finally gives himself some sweater paws, and before he encloses them around the mug of hot coffee waiting for him, he takes of his circle glasses, well aware of the fog that would fill them otherwise.

The whole apartment is bathed in orange glimmer and the sun starts to rise, signalling the start of another day, there is no other sound apart from those from outside that could bother the male and he feels content as he sits on the table situated on his kitchen. There, he spots the little notebook Jaebum usually takes everywhere and he shakes his head lightly.

The notebook is filled with random ideas that sometimes pop up in Jaebum’s head, some little love confessions and sketches he does when he waits mostly. He identifies the old man who always sits on the bench of the park next to where Wonwoo works, the cashier of the convenience store, and some random lady dressed very formally while she walks what seems to be a Pomeranian. Jaebum was never drawing animals anyway.

“This man, can you believe him?” He asks his plants, voice fond as he scans the pages again, sipping slowly in his coffee “I swear he would forget his head if it wasn-“ The loud ringing stops his speech, brows furrowing when he looks at the source of the disrupting noise. He is sure is too soon to be rudely interrupted like this, anyway.

He walks up to his phone, and when the smiling face of his idiot of a best friend greets him, the cheesy name he saved himself as – ‘Your star, 10:10’ – , he can’t help the scowl that tugs on lips, but he answers anyway.

“Wonwoo, my man!” Said male scrunches his face in discomfort, the loud voice exploding in his ears and his suspicions of being too soon for this are answered when he sees the 6:27 on his phone. “Are you done flirting with your green friends?”

“I do not flirt with my cactuses; speaking helps plants in its growth” he repeats what he has told everyone in his group of friends once at least.

“Bro, you really need to find yourself some dick” Soonyoung mutters, but still loud enough for Wonwoo to hear and his scowl grows deeper.

“Stop being such a fuckboy, and for the 11th time, I already have a-“

“Okay, stop this nonsense and listen dude” his best friend interrupts him once again, and Wonwoo seriously starts contemplating just pouring the hot coffee all over himself, scalding, so it would end this suffering.

“It’s 6:30 in the morning and I already can feel the headache forming, thanks Soon” he deadpans, and suddenly a wave of pity for Jihoon, who has to live and love this giant idiot, hits him. “How hasn’t Jihoon killed you yet?”

“Because unlike you, ungrateful brat, he loves me,” the bubbly boy says quickly, not wanting his relationship to be seen as weak, but anyway he still adds “and he basically lives in the studio, which is soundproof by the way, since he is trying to end that album for that whoever singer.” His tone grows bitter at the end, and now Wonwoo stifles a laugh at his best friend ‘pain’.

“And you call me because?”

“Because I’m bored to death Wonwoo!”

Wonwoo snorts, without a care now, ending his coffee before letting the mug to be cleaned later and taking his glasses again. Of course, Soonoyung would be bored ‘to death’ at hell in the morning. His sleeping schedules were fucked anyway.

“And what can I do to help you, then? I shall remind you that some of us have normal jobs with a fixed schedule that we must follow, or we’ll be fired, you know?”

“Dancers do it better, man” he can hear the smirk on the other and he laughs again. “Anyways, I wasn’t talking about, like, meeting right now. But it’s been a while”

“Yeah, it’s been.” He replies. It hasn’t been a while since he last Soonyoung, the later would sometimes show on his break time to eat lunch together or to get coffee. Soonyoung is talking about their other friends, the ones that united in college, and yeah it’s been a long time since the 12 of them hung out together, life and work getting in their way. Wonwoo would see some of them, but never at the same time, and to be totally honest, he missed the nights when he would black out from so much drinking and laughing, and the other 11 were there to pass out and laugh with him.

“So, I made God’s work and contacted everyone” Soonyoung stars again

“At 6:00 in the morning?”

“Nah, that’s only you because I can” Wonwoo huffs, lowkey annoyed “I was gonna wait a bit more but then I said ‘fuck it’, waking you up is always funny because you aren’t the smart ass you usually are”

Wonwoo scoffs, but the curiosity gets the best of him, and after a little silence, he speaks again “So?”

“Oh! Yeah, right! So, I contacted everyone because I’m the better friend and I know all your headeasses schedules, and FINALLY we are getting together, man!” He can tell that Soonyoung is excited, and he can’t blame his friend as the small bubbles of excitement started to explode inside of him, making smile without remedy.

“That’s great!” He exclaims.

“I’ll text you when and where later, just, be free” It’s all his best friend tells him before hanging up, and noting the urgency in his tone, it probably means that Jihoon finally woke up, and he couldn’t blame his best friend, knowing how stressed the producer was lately.

As soon headed to his bedroom to finish getting ready for another day at High School, he couldn’t help the pure happiness that bloomed inside of him, knowing he would soon be reunited with what he considered his second family. He started to think about everyone of his friends and how the would be doing, remembering the last bits of their lives he had been informed of and couldn’t wait to fill the gaps.

But then, another thought reached his mind, and it made him stop. Because as he was wondering about how everyone would be doing, his mind somehow landed on how Mingyu would be doing. Is he working? On what, exactly? Is he following the dreams he had told him about? Or did he ditch those, too? Is he healthy? Is he taller?

Is Mingyu happy?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2.**

_Los Angeles, EEUU_

 

The alarm clock in his bedside table goes off, some generic pop star voice filling the almost empty room. Mingyu’s eyes are on the ceiling, had been for almost half an hour when he woke up before he had to. He groans, stretching his limbs and letting the singer sing about love and chances and the birds and the bees before he reaches out to turn the damn thing off.

Mingyu can feel the knot on his back as he walks, and he makes a quick mental note to make a quick call to his physio when he has a break, but the pain is forgotten momentarily when he reaches the massive glass wall that separates him from the rest of the world. The old lady down the road is already watering her garden even though he is sure she has enough money to pay at least 20 people to take care of it, someone on his side of the road is already going off to work, the noise of the engine of what must be a Mercedes reverberating through his glass, and in the house in front of his own a middle aged man come backs from a jog, earpiece attached and working as he splutters something angrily, probably works, Mingyu knows.

He faces the same at least 4 times each day.

To be fair, life after he had come to Los Angeles had treated him well, really well. After a tragic fall in one of his basketball games his knee had given up on him completely, drowning all his options of one day playing an All-Star game. Given the situation and finding himself unable to move without a wheelchair, crutches or some type of help, Mingyu decided to finally focus on the only thing he had left: his career.

Even though he had chosen business to make his dad somehow proud, he soon found himself drown in all the intricates insides that this world had to offer him, spending nights just doing research, not for his classes but because he was truly interested. He kept tabs on everyone important and knew every move each company did, sometimes to the level of fanboying over certain tactics moves or some company contract with another, already being able to see how the deal was going to turn out. This, of course, lead him to become top of almost all his classes, and before he even finished college, offers from various companies were sitting at his study table, a smirk blossoming on his face every time a new offer come, the CEOs almost begging him to be part of their work from now on. He had made a name of himself, and whenever he called his mom to tell her about another’s person compliments towards him, the pure happiness and pride that resonated in her vocal chords were enough to make him completely happy.

Still, Mingyu waited a bit more, he was waiting for the one thing he knew would change his life forever and he was ready to wait as much as it was needed. But just as he imagined, just as he graduated top of his class, along with the flowers his mother sent him, there it was: one of the biggest company in all America had written him a letter, fill with endless praises and asking him to join their team.

Mingyu, of course, accepted.

That’s how he found himself at the age of 24 with a huge house in the wealthiest part of Los Angeles, driving a Mercedes every day to work in the most important company so far, close friend with everyone that mattered while he also keeps his real friends. And that’s how he is able to send her mother enough money so that she won’t ever have to work again, letting her rest after so many years of working her ass off for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The crystal doors slide open as he passes, the cool air refreshing him because even after a few minutes under the LA sun he could already feel the sweat forming on his neck. As soon as his black shoes touch the polished floor, at least three people dressed almost as formal as him stick to his side, taking turns to speak and feel him in about the things he is supposed to do. Mingyu had to talk to a client on his way there, on his car, already, and the prospect of the day he is going to face is enough to tire him.

His work could be literal hell sometimes.

“Mr. Kim, the meeting with the new client is in half an hour, the presentation sits on your table but here you have a copy, and this is…”

Mingyu tunes off the voice on his left as he walks, giving smiles to his co workers and the people who actually worked for him.

“Mr. Kim, Thomas called, he wanted to talk with you about some commissions and…”

A boy, probably a lot younger than Mingyu and who must be working there because he knows someone passes by him and hands him a hot coffe, to what Mingyu mouths a thanks as he keeps walking hurriedly.

“Mr. Kim, the CEO called, he wanted to meet you as soon as you have a minute, it seemed really important”

The voices keep filling his ears and talking non-stop, Mingyu not really paying them that much attention. He knows it’s only their job, but he just walked in and just wants to drink his coffee alone as he reads his presentation once again, assuring that everything as perfect and scoring yet another win for their sake.

Also, it’s annoying once they start to talk over the other, the voices going higher in pitch and volume.

He has asked many times to not be called Mr. Kim, something about it makes him feel extremely old and not 24 years old. But there are so many things in his life that don’t make sense in the life of any 24 years old.

His phone beeps loudly on his front pocket and he furrows his brow as he takes the phone out. No one really messages him at this hour. Jackson is probably getting ready for his own job, and most of his other friends are either still sleeping or working already, and none would text Mingyu so soon.

Minghao.

For some reason, it doesn’t surprise him that his best friend is texting him at this hour, even though he knows is some crazy hour in the night back in Seoul, but Minghao always had fucked sleep schedules anyway.

The smile that appears on his lips is nothing sincere, feeling the tug at his heartstrings at the fact that Minghao, even after all the years apart, keeps acting as his best friend, and he misses the slightly younger Chinese boy. A lot.

Even though he has Jackson here, he knows it’s not the same, no one could ever come close to Minghao in his heart, not after everything they’ve been through together. He laughs under his breath when he finally opens the message, a mix between Korean and Chinese filling the screen, and Mingyu knows he is completely shitfaced.

Along the slur Mingyu is able to read something like “gathering” and “friend”, and something that seems a lot like “I miss you” in Chinese. He only knows because Minghao used to text it to his mother all the time back in their first months of college, and the ache in his heart makes him a little breathless, because it’s been a long time since he was in Korea, and even a longer time since he was together with all his friends, drinking his worries away and laughing like there was not a matter in the world.

At least, not in theirs.

Mingyu shoots his head up when he reaches the lift, the ding of the doors opening just in time and he quickly steps in. 

“Yeah, I got it, no need to worry.” He tells the few persons that were following him until the moment, bringing the cup of coffee up to his lips and giving them a smug smirk. He sees their shoulder sag, believing he really has it all under control, and he maybe didn’t listen to them, but he really has it under control.

He just really wants a minute alone right now, even more when his phone beeps again from his thread with Minghao. When he looks down, he can’t help but laugh at his friend drunken attempts at writing in broken English.

 

 

 

**Hao**

Oh I frogt

Yo onlu evrr soeak englihd now

Miignoo

We miss yu stpid face

 

 

 

He chuckles at his friend word, and slides his thumb over the phone so the keypad shows, but before he can even write, the three dots appear again on his friend’s side, and this time a voice message comes up. He decides to answer before listening to the audio.

 

 

**Gyu**

You’re like

Stupidly drunk right now

And it’s only Wednesday wtf

 

 

 

The lift stops and Mingyu passes past his secretary, who quickly greets him and signals to a few papers on her desk, like she is asking is Mingyu can go over them now, and he simply makes a hand gesture to tell her that he will call her in in a moment, but right now, he only wants to keep talking to his best friend for a bit, before reality and responsibilities suck him in again.

“Mingyuuuuuuuu” said boy smiles just by the start of the audio, the slurred voice of his best friend fillings his ears and he hiccup a little before continuing “when are you going to come visit?  Ev-everyone misses you, man”

“Is that Mingyu?!” A new very excited voice sounds and then next a squeal is hear, Seungkwan and Jeonghan’s voices are now slurring nonsense, and even though they keep talking over the other much as his assistants were moments ago, he doesn’t find them annoying, but endearing.

And that’s enough to tell him that he must really miss them after all, if he finds their drunk asses “endearing”. 

Mingyu sighs, running a hand on his hair, listening still, and he can hear the laughs of Hansol, Chan and Soonyoung in the back, and next is Seungcheol screaming something about kicking his ass when he comes back.

And between all the mess he thinks he has heard a melodic laugh he would recognize everywhere, but it’s faint and it’s almost not there, and Mingyu wills to himself to believe it is just his head pulling tricks on him.

Again.

He answers to each and every one of them, telling them how much he misses them too, and he really should be this sappy this early, but he can’t help but miss the times with his friends.

He tries to put his phone down and start to get things down, he knows he should be focusing on his presentation because this one is an important client, and when his phone beeps again he really, really tries to ignore it, but he has such a soft spot right now, he can’t stop himself from putting the phone back up.

This time, Minghao has sent him a pic, and even before he opens the message he can feel his heart ache, but at the same time he feels content, knowing his friends still want to share their moments with him.

It’s a selfie, it’s dark and it’s blurry. They must be outside, in some park or hide out after eating together. Soonyoung is taking the pic, his eyes shut and cheeks up in pure happiness and filling almost half the screen. In the back, Seungkwan is leaning on Hansol parted knees, all soft smiles and it must be partly because Hansol’s hand are around his neck, securing him and giving him some warmth. Hansol is smiling into Seungkwan’s hair, and he remembers that face, it’s the face Hansol would pull every time he tried to hold his laugh in and fails miserably to do so.

Next to them, a bit on the back Seungcheol has both hands in the air, a bottle of beer in each one and his mouth open as he shouts something, and Mingyu can perfectly hear him saying “Scream!” at the top of his lungs.

Jeonghan’s is looking at him with an amused glint in his eyes and all the love in the world for his best friend, while his other hand is draped lazily over his other best friend, Jisoo, whose hair is a faint lilac and Mingyu wonders why, because that’s not something he would expect of Jisoo out of all his friends. Probably lost a bet or it was a drunken attempt.

Seokmin is on lying on Chan, Jihoon and Jun, who look between a mixture of amused and asking for help because Seokmin must be making it difficult for them to breathe. He laughs again, because that’s something the would do sometimes, specially to Chan.

Last time he saw a picture of Jun, his hair was a bright blonde that only him could pull off, but right now his hair is nice shade of hazelnut and Mingyu can’t help to think that Jun is straight out of a fashion magazine. Well, he models for a reason, he suddenly remembers.

Or did Jun stop modelling?

The sudden realization that Mingyu doesn’t know his friends that good anymore hits him, straight in the gut and he let another sigh scape his lips, because he doesn’t know why Jisoo dyed his hair, if Jun keeps modelling or even if Soonyoung keeps dancing anymore. He knows some things, mostly what Minghao tells him sometimes, but that’s it.

And he feels like the worse friend ever. They must think he has forgotten about them altogether.

His eyes go back to the picture once again, and if he thought that realization was a punch in the guts, the sight before him makes him totally breathless.

There, almost in the centre of the selfie, Minghao has his hand over Wonwoo’s shoulders. Minghao has grown his hair a bit, and it falls softly over his eyes, full lips stretched over pearly white teeth in a display of pure happiness.

By his side, the most beautiful thing Mingyu has ever have the pleasure of witnessing.

Wonwoo is looking straight to the camera, but his eyes are almost closed from the way he is laughing, so hard and genuine that his nose is doing that thing, the scrunch it always did whenever he was really happy and Mingyu hates how it has his stomach flipping suddenly.

His lips are open, and a row of perfect white teeth welcome him, a bit of pink flesh can be seen, teasing. He has glasses on, rounded and of wire frame, and Mingyu knows it’s almost impossible, but he wonders if those are the same glasses from back then.

It’s a photo, a simple picture, yet Mingyu can almost hear the older boy laugh, and he has to stop for a moment because he feels so much warmth on the inside, his heart aching in both a good and a bad way at the same time and he wonders how is that even possible. Mingyu has to drag himself so he is sitting on his chair, willing his eyes to close for a second so the turmoil on his head and heart calms a bit, because he simply can’t.

Mingyu is not coming back, and even if he was to go back, he can’t expect Wonwoo to still want to do anything with him. Hell, he can’t even wait for Wonwoo to not hate him for leaving him behind like he did.

At first, Mingyu thought about coming back every day, about what he would say when he finally saw Wonwoo again, when the fateful day would come, and they would be face to face once more time. He had thought of ways to win the older back, but when his future started to form itself in Los Angeles, these thoughts started to disappear, the bitter voices in his head that always told him Wonwoo would be better without him louder than ever, and the younger ended coming to terms to a life afar from the raven-haired boy.

But not really.

And just seeing that pic was enough to throw everything that Mingyu has been working on for years out of the window.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Did you want to see me, sir?” Mingyu carefully asks after knocking on the wooden door. The presentation went absolutely perfect as it should have, and he was sure when it ended that he had successfully closed another deal.

But even if he was sure, it was still too early for his boss to call him to congratulate him, so his mind was quick to jump into conclusions, darker and scarier.

“Yeah, I undertand” the older man says quickly without taking the phone out of his ear, his hand motioning for Mingyu to come in, and he does as he is told, moving to sit on the leather sit on front of the massive wood desk.

The older man is half sitting on it, a cigarette on his hand as he listens intently to whatever the person at the end of the line is telling him. He nods sometimes, his brow lightly furrowed. He looks quickly at Mingyu, a soft smile on his lips and offers him a smoke without opening his mouth. Mingyu shakes his head, because no matter how stressed he is, he still hates tobacco.

A few minutes passes like this, the younger man opting for toying with his phone only if to distract himself while he waits for his boss to finish talking. He doesn’t wait to wait much, though, because soon enough he hearts the conversation dying and the promise of calling back again soon. Mingyu looks up when he hears nothing but silence and observes how the older man finish off his cigarette before finally looking at him.

“How did the meeting go?” he asks good naturedly as he sits back again properly.

“Good, I think the deal is closed. Still have to talk with them once again, though” Mingyu informs his boss, the CEO of this huge business, who pours whiskey in two glasses he took just now from under his table.

“I knew I could trust you with it, Mingyu.” Mingyu can’t stop the smile that spreads on his face, because every time his boss praises him he sounds like a proud father. “You’re so young, too. You remind me of myself when everything started.”

Mingyu can tell he is reminiscing from the dreamy look on his eyes, sitting back on his huge desk chair with the glass on his hand, and the man looks so content with his life that he could easily be the king of the world.

“I don’t really think, sir, I’m just doing my work and-“

“Nonsense,” Mr. Johnson dismiss him quickly, effectively shutting him with a small smile “you’re great at this, Mingyu. And I’ve been thinking…”

Mr. Johnson gets up from his chair once again. It seems like the man can’t stay still for more than a few minutes, always active despite being almost sixty already.

“I know you know this, but we are an international business. I started here, on L.A. all those years ago when I was your age. Some people could say I got lucky. I don’t really know how I managed.” He chuckles, and for a moment Mingyu can imagine him, a 20 year old version of him in a way smaller office and with a suit that probably didn’t fit him as well as the designer he is wearing right now.

“But I did. And then I opened another branch office. And then another. And another… Yeah, I think I really got lucky.” This time they laugh together, and Mingyu moves a little his glass, watching the ice melt into the liquor. Is too early for him to drink anything that is not coffee anyway.

The young male can’t really understand why his boss is telling him all of this, out of nowhere, and he doesn’t think that adding alcohol to the mix would help in clarifying things.

“You must be wondering why I called you…” he starts again after a few beats of silence pass between them, Mr. Johnson looking out into the scenery. “I’m going to open another office.”

The man looks back at him with a knowing look, and Mingyu is quick to put two and two together, his mouth going wide at the sudden information.

“Sir, I can’t, I…”

“Listen to me, boy.” His authoritative tone is enough to shut Mingyu completely, wide eyes looking up to the softly smiling man “I know it must be scary, but I want to expand this business. I was thinking of going overseas, far away… to Korea, to be exact.”

Mingyu blinks a few times owlishly, because he can’t really believe that this is happening right now to him. His boss is actually asking him, out of all people, to go back to Korea to be the person in charge of a whole new office. Almost like a CEO.

“And I know for a fact that you are Korean, and also someone I trust endlessly. I know this is a huge step for you, and I don’t want to pressure you into anything, Mingyu.”

“So… I would be like… in charge?” He stupidly asks, just to be sure because anything feels real in this moment and he is tempted to ask Mr. Johnson to pinch him just in case everything is a dream.

“Yeah, exactly. Of course, you wouldn’t be alone, but you would be the… boss, I guess. Yeah.” The older nods slowly, the information hitting Mingyu once again and he gapes unattractively, to which the male chuckles “I’ll give you some time to think about, okay? But I would really like you to accept.”

Mingyu nods slowly and gets up leave, like in a dream.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mingyu’s shock last all day. He doesn’t even remember the rest of the day or anything he did, signed or said after that moment. His whole mind is full of that scene in his boss office, when he just offered the most amazing promotion he could ever ask for, something that would even make him go back… home.

Everything is like a daze, his mind not really concentrating on anything. He is trying really hard to see all of his options right, the pros and the cons, and even though the offer is pretty amazing, a sudden fear overcomes Mingyu.

The fear of not being enough.

Mingyu knows his boss trusts him blindly because he has worked hard to get that trust in the first place, but he had done it under the supervision of someone else all this time. The thought of being alone at the top is really frightening, because if for some reason it didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be him the only one falling, but a whole lot of people under him.

And his boss trust on top of everything, like the cherry on top.

The puppy-like male can’t stop overthinking, the scenarios where things go wrong overpowering him and filling his mind little by little, a lot louder than the good scenarios where everything go right.

He would love to come back and hug his mom one more time, but he fears that things would get too much for him to handle, and suddenly he feels really small and really young. And really, who can blame him? Are moments like these when he remembers, when he actually and finally feels his age, because under the suits and the confident smiles and the gel in his hair, he is a 24 years old man, with so little experience in life he can already feel himself fucking things up. Again.

After what feel like hours of overthinking, Mingyu finally reaches a decision, thinking the words he will say to his boss in the morning, thanking him endlessly for the trust and the chance, but rejecting the idea softly, telling him how he thinks like it’s too soon for him.

And hiding behind a smile how he feels totally unprepared to do something like that on his own.

Mingyu is going over and over again over the speech he will say in the morning, almost like he is winning an award and he has to give an acceptance speech for the camera, when his phone beeps on the coffee table.

His hand reaches for the device mindlessly, still lost in his train of thought and without even checking the notification, sure that it’s probably the groupchat with Jackson and the others. But once his eyes travel from the ceiling to glue themselves to the screen, he feels like the world comes to a stop. He gulps down the knot that has suddenly formed on his lump at the unexpected message, and what once was a dazed dream, has suddenly turned into a nightmare.

It seems like life was mocking him, but he shakes his head after letting the phone fall quickly by his side.

He scratches the words in his head and starts once again to prepare what he is going to tell his boss.

How he is going to tell Mr. Johnson that he accepts the offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos and hits :)  
> i don't know how regularly i'll post, im a few chapters in with this fic, so i guess i wont post until i finish another chapter so i have a backup :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to dedicate this chapter (and whole fic tbh) to my bubu julie, the precious girl who made start this whole mess of fic ti begin with x

**Chapter 3.**

 

S _eoul, Korea_

“And that’s it for today, don’t forget to do the exercises on page 44.” Wonwoo says from where he is holding his book in front of the blackboard as the ring that signals the end of the class sounds. Students rush to go out of class, wanting to be free for the weekend finally and the male can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips watching them.

He sighs, already preparing himself for the next week headache because he is sure more than half of his students didn’t hear him and won’t be doing their homework. The male has a free hour now, which means he is going to spend it marking tests and going through some notes for the next class.

The man checks quickly his phone, having silenced it so it doesn’t disturb him during class. His eyes scan the notifications from the groupchat, mostly Seungkwan being a little brat and Jeonghan going along with it, just because. Minghao has texted him too, asking him to go with him to a new library that just opened and that, for some reason, have cats in it. And even if it weirds him out a little, he is a sucker for both cats and books, so he unlocks his phone, ready to ask when they are meeting.

That’s it, until Jun starts attacking his phone with messages, and if it wasn’t for the caps lock, he would have ignored it.

 

 

**Junnie**

WOOOON

WONWOO

JEON WONWOO

WOWOW

U FUCKKING MORON I SEE U READING THESE ANSWER M E

 

 

**Wonwoo**

Jun, wtf?

I’m in class shut up

 

 

**Junnie**

No ure not

I know ur schedule

Bc im ur bff :)

 

 

**Wonwoo**

Thats soonyoung tho?

 

 

**Junnie**

Ouch

Stop breaking my heart

Thats hao’s work

 

 

 

Wonwoo rolls his eyes and sighs, letting his body rests against the chair. He knows about the whole thing between his two Chinese friends, and from the start, back in college, he told Jun it was a bad idea. But nobody ever listens to Wonwoo anyways.

 

 

**Wonwoo**

Just talked to him

Anyways, wdyw

 

 

**Junnie**

U r cold :(

ANYWAYS

I need help

I hav a date

 

 

**Wonwoo**

w/minghao?

Are you two gonna start dating now?

 

 

**Junnie**

Nah

Im gonna get over him

This girl from my dance class asked me out

 

 

**Wonwoo**

Did you tell him?

And, you’re telling me because…

 

 

**Junnie**

Why would i?

Were not together so

He himself said so

Idk what are you supposed to do on a date

 

 

 

Of course, Junhui wouldn’t tell Minghao. And of course, his Chinese friend would go to him out of all their friends to ask for relationship advice, like his love life isn’t the most fucked up out of all of them. Wonwoo sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose after taking off his glasses.

He would love to help Jun, even more if it meant that whatever that have been going on between Minghao and him ended for good, but he has no advice or kind words, even less for a “romantic” date.

 

 

**Wonwoo**

Jun, why don’t you ask Soon better?

He is like the most romantic one out of us

I’ve got work to do, tell me about your date later

 

 

**Junnie**

:(

Thanks wonu

Ily

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The weather has been getting better lately, but it was the sudden breeze that has Wonwoo shivering from time to time, damning himself for not taking his coat with him. When he had gone out of class the sun was shining and he had to take it off. And he decided not to take it with him when he went out to meet Minghao. And now he is regretting all of it.

Soon enough (and thanks to the glasses sitting on his nose) he spots his younger friend walking up to him, wearing a similar jumper to the one he is wearing and glasses (which he actually doesn’t need but oh well) on his nose. He laughs at seeing this.

Minghao is probably the best dressed always, the fashionista in him having awoken years ago, which he combined soon enough with his passion for photography. If there was someone on this world who could let everything else fall behind to pursue a dream born in the middle of a crisis and make it work, it’s got to be his younger Chinese friend.

“Ah, are we a couple now, hyung?” Minghao greets, a sly smile on his full lips as he takes in both their outfits.

“With the amount of time we spend together, we might as well be.” Wonwoo starts to walk after Minghao laughs, walking from their meeting spot to the direction the other sent him via text before.

“Sorry for the wait,” Minghao talks again, falling in step with him and signals to the camera that Wonwoo didn’t realize as hanging from his neck “you know how distracted I get.”

Wonwoo chuckles slightly, nodding a he walks. “I know, and you better show me the reason why you got me waiting almost freezing my ass off.”

He looks just in time to see the younger’s brown eyes start to gain the sparkle that always appear when he talks about something he really loves. It was always there, had been since he had known him, when he talks about photography, when he talks about China, when he talks about dancing.

It was there when he looked up at Mingyu once, too, and that had been reason enough for Wonwoo to get jealous more than once.

The raven-haired male shakes his head, dispersing unwanted thoughts as he looks back at Minghao, who is ranting passionately about his last project, telling him about the models, the lightning, the idea behind it, and Wonwoo loves every single second of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Did Jun talk to you?” Wonwoo asks after a while of reading silently. He looks up, noticing how Minghao falters for a bit before going back to stroking the white cat that has situated himself on his lap, brow furrowed and Wonwoo knows the younger is not even aware that he is doing it.

“About what?” He asks after a while, deciding to fix his eyes on the book on the table instead. “We… we don’t actually talk a lot, you know?”

 _Yeah, damn it if I don’t_ Wonwoo thoughts, but he just shakes his head lightly, already feeling the headache forming again, this time from his friend’s antics.

“I don’t know if I should tell you, if he didn’t,” he thinks about just letting it go, but after a beat of silence Wonwoo looks up again and this time his eyes meet slightly sad ones, Minghao pleading him silently to tell him.

Because he is a sucker for Jun and everyone knows it, yet they continue to dance around the other, any of them daring to do what everyone has been waiting for year for them to do. And like every other time, Wonwoo ends up telling Minghao what Jun is up to, and he ends up hearing Jun almost crying for Minghao.

And the thought that this might be the last time he has to be in between one of his best friends and a donsaeng that is close to his heart and that the reason isn’t them being finally together makes his gut and heart ache.

Wonwoo sighs, the hand that was around his mug going forward to take Minghao’s over the book he is reading.

“He has a date. With a girl.”

And Wonwoo hadn’t hate himself so much in years, but after seeing the flash of hurt and heartbreak that flashes in his donsaeng’s eyes, he can’t help but do it all over again, for ever opening his mouth to talk, to say things that aren’t his business to begin with. And he also hates Jun a little, for not being brave enough to say it himself, for not being able to face Minghao.

He is quick to squeeze Minghao’s hand when he sees the way his eyes start to water before his whole head turns down, long hair hiding his whole face. Wonwoo’s lips form a tight line, because he knows it all, he knows pretty well everything that’s going over Minghao’s mind right now. How he thought something like that would never happen. How they were fine. How they were together just last weekend. How they had ended up kissing in the back of Jun’s car like high schoolers after their friend gathering.

And when the younger’s frame shakes a bit, almost unnoticeable, Wonwoo knows (because he knows Minghao that well) the thought that hurt the most.

Because Minghao thought Jun loved him.

“Don’t cry, people will think I’m breaking up with you” he jokes, trying to lighten the mood, and the sound that escapes Minghao’s mouth can’t even be considered a laugh, all watery and unstable.

“I-I’m happy… for him” Minghao forces himself to say, but it’s fake, and Wonwoo doesn’t comment on it. “He deserves it, I’m glad.”

“Yeah, but you know him…” Wonwoo is not really sure of what he should be saying right now, but opts for what he thinks will be better for his donsaeng “He didn’t even know what to do”

“Yeah…” Is all that Minghao says, weakly, and Wonwoo recognises as his cue to stop talking, because Minghao simply doesn’t want to talk about it.

He frees his hand then, letting Minghao rest both of his hands on the cat on his lap, petting it softly. It feels weird, seeing his usually chirpy and strong younger friend this vulnerable and small, looking like a lost child. It reminds Wonwoo of their first solo encounters after Mingyu’s leave, when they would hang out together but half of the time Minghao seemed scared and lost and Wonwoo hated himself endlessly for making his best friend go like that.

For causing Minghao to be like that.

The dark-haired male sighs again, the weight on his shoulders increasing as the minutes pass.

He asks himself if Jun even thought about any of this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the rare occasions when Wonwoo doesn’t have to spend his weekend marking tests and assignments (because he is a responsible teacher, mind you), he likes to have a little me time.

One of the things that he learned about himself on the darkest times was how lost he gets into his own self, too much, to the point of forgetting to take care of things like getting a proper sleep or even to eat. It’s the thoughts running through his mind. Too loud. Too fast. Too much for himself to handle on his own.

There was a time when he feared being alone because it was the time when his mind was the loudest.

Back on those times, Wonwoo would stay on his bed all day, the naked ceiling mocking him as he remembered every moment of his life, searching for the moment he had fucked up the most and making him suffer but replaying it over and over again, showing him all the reasons why he was stupid.

He soon found out that the moments he had fucked up the most were always with Mingyu.

Those were the times when he started to think about alternate universes, the moments when the panic attacks begun. Only thinking about those times made Wonwoo shudder in fear of what his mind was capable of.

And sometimes it is still capable of. Maybe he doesn’t scream and cry anymore, but the thoughts are so strong that are enough to make his breath quicken and his eyes to water.

That’s how he found himself, sitting in the dark, next to the window of the kitchen with his cactuses giving him their silent company, his eyes stinging from where he hasn’t blinked in a while, eyes fixed on a random spot on the wall, breath slightly laboured as he thinks over and over the scene at the library from the day before.

He didn’t mind to, but Minghao’s reaction had triggered something inside himself, and he is holding the mug on his hands so strongly that a part of his brain fears it will break in any moment given. The tea has gone cold and no warmth steams out of it anymore, yet everything around him feels hot. Wonwoo is thinking, and his mind always drives him to the same thing: Mingyu.

Minghao and Jun’s relationship, so fucked up as his once was is enough to remember the bad times, and the mug he is currently holding was the one he almost threw at Mingyu once, too caught up in the heat of the discussion. And the realization of what he had been capable to do at the person he had loved the most leaves him every time.

Because in his mind, it had been everything his fault, so uncapable of love, so unworthy of the younger.

He knows the path he is going down right now, and he knows it’s a dangerous one, one that he needs to get out as soon as possible, before the screams and the accusations turns too real to bear. With shaky hands, he reaches for the drawer on his right, the pack of cigarettes greeting him.

It’s almost a mechanic action, and soon he is exhaling the smoke out of his mouth, the simple movement helping him to breath better.

Deep down, he knows it’s not really his fault. Not only his. But Wonwoo’s mind has always been a tricky place, hard to get out of, and the last thing he needs is that. He has been doing a good work of muting Mingyu out of his mind, so convinced that the younger will never come back.

And even if Mingyu came back, why would he want Wonwoo back? He is sure the younger has made a good work of forgetting about him already, and he often wonders who the boy must be dating now, another boy? A pretty girl? Mingyu was never clear about his preferences, but he had never talked about boys before Wonwoo, and sometimes, on the darkest times, the simple thought and the implications behind left a bitter taste on his mouth. Because he wonders, sometimes he still wonders, if he was an experiment to Mingyu.

One of the first things Wonwoo did after starting his friendship with Minghao was asking him to not talk about Mingyu when he was there. He knew that he was asking too much, that it was his best friend after all and he had no right to ask for anything after making him leave, yet he needed it. For his own mental health.

To this day, Minghao only ever talks about Mingyu in front of Wonwoo when he is more than drunk, or when Wonwoo really needs to let his feelings out. But that stopped a time ago.

Wonwoo takes big gulps of air, suddenly missing his workload because what was going to be a self-care session has soon become in a fall down the abyss of his mind, one like he hadn’t had in a while. He rests his head on his hands, the smoke from his cigarette going up.

He has never been more grateful of his phone ringing in his life, giving him an excuse to run from his own mind. He reaches for it, his best friend’s face on the screen and he is quick to accept the incoming call.

“Hey” he says weakly, because if someone has to know he is having a breakdown, let it be Soonoyung.

“Oh…” his tone is unexpectedly quiet, nothing like Soonyoung, and Wonwoo raises an eyebrow. That’s _the_ tone, and even if Soonyoung is his best friend it’s impossible for him to know the reason of his state just by a simple greeting “so you read the groupchat already?”

Wonwoo stares out of the window, brow furrowing in confusion at his friend’s words.

“I was too busy having a breakdown to read it” he answers casually, as if it was the usual. But when instead of a joke silence followed his words, that’s when Wonwoo really started to grow worried. “Soon?” He speaks again, when he senses that the silence is not going to be broken anytime soon.

He hears the long and heavy sigh, the shuffle on the other line and Jihoon muffled voice, Soonyoung telling him something before coming back to him.

“Won…” he starts, and his tone reminds Wonwoo so much of his own at the library with Minghao yesterday that it’s scary and his gut moves uncomfortably. Suddenly, his heart starts to beat faster.

“You’re scaring me.”

“I guess it’s better if I tell you,” Soonyoung mutters “I’m coming over, okay?”

“Just tell me, for fucks sake” he exclaims, because the suspense is killing him and if what Soonyoung is going to tell him is not a dead or alive matter Jihoon is going to be sleeping next to a ghost from now on.

More silence.

Wonwoo is starting to think of ways of killing his best friend and going away with it, but the voice on the other line suddenly speaks, and the words leave him frozen in the spot, the cigarette falling from his grip to the ground.

The world stops. And so does his breath.

“Mingyu is back.”

It sounds almost like a court sentence. To what, Wonwoo doesn’t know yet. Everything after that is a blur, the corners of his vision going black and he is not even aware that he has started crying. Not until not even half an hour later his best friend is holding him.

He thought he had stopped falling a long time ago, that the wounds on his back from where his wings had been once had healed. Now, they were open and bleeding, and he never knew that being Icarus could hurt so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do other writers make it so ppl comment on their works?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit is starting to go down wow  
> thank you for your lovely comments and kudos, they really mean the world to me, i lov ereading your reactions guys :) x  
> (as always, non beta read, sorry this is slightly shorter i think??)

**Chapter 4.**

_Seoul, Korea_

 

Do you know how there are times when you feel like you’re stuck? When you’re laying down in bed, a place that can be both the happiest and the most dangerous place on earth, and you start thinking about things? You think about your family, you think about you friends, about your best friends, about your co-workers, and then, you think about yourself.

And everything just feels wrong, everything feels foreign, and in the picture in your head you know that person is you, the person you’re staring at is the person you’ve been all this time, yet it simply feels wrong. The face is not the face you remember, yet oddly enough it’s exactly what you know it is. The hooded and tired eyes, where once there was a glint of something, the way the lips rest or stretch over teeth and suddenly it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t look right. Because you’re stuck with an old vision, because you feel foreign to yourself.

The feeling is so strong inside Wonwoo’s gut that after what must have been hours of tossing on his bed, sheets falling out of their rightful place and creaking sounds filling the dark night, he has to get up, his legs taking him to the bathroom.

The raven-haired male stands there, looking at the reflection on the mirror. He looks everywhere, eyes gluing themselves to every little detail, ever hair out of place, every blemish, every vein that shows from under his pale skin.

He knows that’s him, even without his glasses on, he knows the person who is staring back at him it’s himself.

Yet it feels wrong.

For the first time in forever, when he looks at the mirror he can’t really see himself. He sees an older version of himself, a more tired one, and everything about him screams back at him about the time when he ripped his wings off.

He feels like he is stuck, sitting on that same packed restaurant, smoke filling the air the same way alcohol filled his veins, his friends around him but his heart uneasy. And he never knew he could heartbreak for something he had yearned so much back then.

Because just as the words “Mingyu is gone” made his heart fall and break in tiny pieces forever, so did the “Mingyu is back” that his best friend whispered on the phone. And so did the words on his phone from Minghao, the groupchat going wild after that.

But Wonwoo felt like the skin on his back was breaking and what he thought were closed wounds started to bleed once more.

What is he supposed to do now? Mingyu is in Korea again, soon he will be in Seoul. And Wonwoo might be selfish, but not to the extent to tell his friends to never see him again. Because in the end, Wonwoo always knew he had it easier. Mingyu left, yes, but their friends stayed by his side while Mingyu went away, far away from everyone he knew.

So the only mature thing he could possibly do is step aside and let Mingyu back into their friends. Let Mingyu go back to his best friend, to their fights and bickering, to their teasing and endless affections.

But he cannot help and be a little selfish still, because he is more than comfortable with the idea of stepping aside, because that way he won’t have to face his ex-boyfriend.

It’s the scarier thought still. Thinking about seeing him again. Thinking about seeing his smile is more than enough to Wonwoo to know he is not ready for it. Probably will never be. Seeing Mingyu again would only serve Wonwoo to torture himself further, to see what he could have and never could be his. To admit for once and all that he has been living in the dark even after telling everyone he was not, even after convincing himself that he was more than over it and ready to keep going on with his life, that he was ready to live, laugh and love all over again.

If Wonwoo were to see Mingyu again, the light would blind him in ways that scare him more than the darkness, because then he will see clearly all his wounds.

He would have to face the fact that the Icarus he thought of himself of being wasn’t anything more than a fool who grew wings and ripped them off himself. Again.

The sigh that escapes his lips is heavy, full of burdens and unanswered questions that he doesn’t think would be able to say out loud ever. The thought of the younger shouldn’t have him this shaken, shouldn’t have make him cry like he did in the arms of Soonyoung as he did at a time before. He made his best friend promise him he wouldn’t tell anybody about his “little” breakdown before making him leave, assuring him that everything will be right. But as he lets the cold water run out of the faucet before bringing it to his face, he wonders if everything will be really alright.

His friends thought he had been over the boy for years now, it was expected after not ever having the assurance that he would even be back. Wonwoo himself always took pride in thinking he was over him.

“And I’m over him.” Wonwoo mutters, sharp eyes finding equally sharp eyes in the mirror, his shoulders tense as he tries to let the words sink into the depths of himself.

“It’s been a while, it was a shock” he continues saying to the tired looking boy on the mirror.

“He was really important for you, there was a lot of things shared between you.”

His feet drag him back to his bedroom, but before falling in the bed, he decides he needs more water to survive the night, so he turns again, this time to the kitchen.

“You were in love with him and you didn’t end things well, it’s normal for you to have this reaction” he mutters again, his monologue directed to no one but himself.

“But that’s in the past. And it shall stay that way.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Wonwoo eyes roam around the space. The only source of light coming from the candles scattered around in the floor and the plastic stars on his ceiling. He smiles softly when he looks at them, his hand shooting up without him noticing, aching to touch the stars._

_“I told you I could give you the stars” a soft voice sounds somewhere behind him, strong arms snaking their way into his waist. He lets himself be pushed a little until his back is pressed against a firm chest._

_“You’re too cheesy”_

_“You love me being cheesy” the boy says, a little giggle sounding after it and Wonwoo has to physically restrain himself from turning around and pinching the younger full checks. Instead he lets a soft smile makes its way into his face before dropping his head onto the shoulder behind him._

_“Don’t test your luck, Gyu.” He says, but there’s no real bite behind it._

_They stay like that, in the partial darkness of Wonwoo’s college dorm, swaying side by side and looking at the stars. Wonwoo hums a tune he can’t even put a name to and feels the younger nuzzle his neck with his nose, raising goosebumps with his sweet ministrations._

_“Did you like it?” the younger’s voice is so small that even in their shared intimacy Wonwoo almost loses it. This isn’t the first romantic gesture Mingyu has done for him, but something about it made the strings on Wonwoo’s heart to tug and squeeze his heart._

_“I love it.” He answers in a heartbeat, loud and clear and he wishes he could stay the rest of his life like this, on the arms of the boy he loves and staring at the perfect sky he has created only for his eyes to see._

_Wonwoo feels the excitement in the younger’s word in every place they are connected, and the soft smile on his lips becomes a huge grin. Before he can react, the younger is turning him around, manhandling him in a way that is almost tender. Calloused hands cup his checks and his dark eyes meet sparks and fireworks when he looks at his boyfriend eyes finally._

_“Are you going to cry?” he asks, amused, and his own hands dart out to place themselves on Mingyu’s checks, his thumbs caressing and smoothing the skin under his eyes, where it’s a little darker, and he also notes the little moisture in them._

_“I just…” he begins, but he cuts himself, hands squeezing Wonwoo’s hips now. It’s a sweet, loving gesture, the way he ducks down to nose his neck, jaw and check again, before nuzzling their noses together, making his own nose scrunch, and its pure happiness what Wonwoo sees on those eyes he adores. He knows his eyes must look like that too. “I just love you so much.”_

_The feelings inside his chest explode at those words, his body acting on its own and lunging forward to crash completely against Mingyu. Their lips found each other like magnets, lips over lips and eyes closed. Wonwoo has kissed Mingyu a thousand times, but he can never get enough of it. Enough of the softness of the younger’s lips, enough of his hands squeezing him flat against his body, enough of the scent of the other filling all his senses, enough of the sounds that escape Mingyu’s throat even when things are slow._

_Wonwoo could never get enough of the taste of Mingyu on his tongue or the little bashful smile on the younger’s face when they separated._

_He could never get enough of the look of pure adoration that his half-opened eyes would always shoot at him, his shy smile becoming larger and dumber._

_“Did you put actual constellations on there?” Wonwoo asks after a few more minutes of simply staring into each other’s eyes, losing themselves in their feelings and in the moment. He watches as the younger grows confused for a second, brows burrowing together before realization hit him, his rosy mouth parting a little before looking up at the ceiling, but he doesn’t move to separate himself from the older._

_“Umm, well,” he starts, and now he peels himself of Wonwoo, just enough to take his hand and led them to the bed “a few, yeah. I looked for a few myths and chose those who reminded me about you the most.” He says, and his chest is inflated with pride._

_And it hits Wonwoo in that moment._

_It hits him how much he_ loves _this boy. How head over heels he is. How the world could end that same night, in that same moment, and he would be happy, because he would die in the arms of the person he loves the most in the whole world._

_Its then when he realizes he is in love with Mingyu, and all those tight feelings in his chest finally have a reason to be, and while Mingyu is explaining to him something about the formation of stars that is right above their heads he kisses him silly, cutting his speech and launching himself in his arms._

_Because it is what feels right._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Junhui appears on his door the next day, Wonwoo doesn’t even questions him. And even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t do it when the older appeared with arms full of pizza and the last movie Wonwoo has been dying to see.

And when a bit later on Soonyoung appears too, ice cream on his arms and his Play Station on a bag full of Wonwoo’s favourite shooter games, he doesn’t question it either. Not even when he sees the soft smiles his two best friends share, as if they had it all planned.

Wonwoo truly has the two best friends ever.

“What are you doing here?” Jun asks from where he is studding his mouth with pizza on the couch, and Wonwoo snorts. Yep, his friend is an actor, indeed. A really bad one.

“I could ask you the same,” Soonyoung overdramatically answers, eyes comically wide and stopping on his tracks as if he had caught his boyfriend with his lover “I just wanted to visit the bestest of friends”

“Bestest isn’t even a word, Soonyoung” Wonwoo says when he passes by him to go back to his seat next to Jun. “You two are the worst actors I’ve seen. And I watch bad drama movies on the public tv.”

“Ew, why am I even friends with you?” The Chinese male beside him gives him the stink face at his confession, but Wonwoo only can shake his head while Soonyoung goes to the kitchen.

Wonwoo plays the movie again, not really bothering in waiting for Soonyoung because knowing the younger he is going to squirm around, unfocused on the movie and waiting for it to end to ask Wonwoo.

And when he goes back, three opened beers on his hands, that’s exactly what happens. Wonwoo feels him more than sees him, rolling his eyes a few times when he also notes the slight tension eliciting from Jun, and the looks his two best friends share. But he really likes the plot, and he would rather see Michael Fassbender’s face on his screen than share his feelings right now, so that’s exactly what he does.

The minute the movie ends silence engulfs them in the dimly lit room. Wonwoo sags a little, because it’s too much like it was back in the day, and just the thought makes his gut twist, so he turns his face in the general direction where Jun is almost laying on his right.

“How did your date go?” He asks, unable to swallow anymore around the careful tension. Jun shrugs, but his friend on the other side arches an eyebrow.

“You had a date?” The tone of his voice says it all, and Wonwoo sighs. He did tell Jun to ask Soonyoung for help, but he should also know by now that Junhui wouldn’t. Soonyoung is protective over Minghao, more than any other of their group of friends. It’s weird, because Minghao isn’t the youngest, but in Soonyoung eyes he is something similar to a little brother, he has never hide his desire to protect the younger one. So, if he had to take sides, of course he would take Minghao’s.

“A girl from the gym.” The Chinese head is turned all the way so any of the Koreans can see his face, and Wonwoo knows that strategy all too well. His tone is nonchalant, the way his shoulders rise in a shrug should be casual, but everything about his posture is tense. He would rather be anywhere, talking about anything but that.

“It didn’t go well?” Wonwoo asks carefully, ignoring the daggers that his best friend is shooting at him from his back for various reasons. He turns quickly, giving him a glare before turning back to Jun again.

“No,” he begins, taking a breath “she is nice, and pretty, and everything I could dream of a girlfriend”

“But he wasn’t-“ Soonyoung starts talking, because even if he was something like Minghao’s protector, he was as tired of this story as the rest of them.

“Don’t” Jun interrupts him quickly, choking a little before taking another breath “don’t finish that sentence.” Silence engulfs them once again, Wonwoo watching the Chinese taking big breaths before turning back to face them again “We didn’t come here to talk about me.”

Soonyoung seems to remember then his real aim with this visit as his eyes dart to Wonwoo, who is already looking at him. Their eyes lock, and it’s the same conversation they had over and over again. Soonyoung somehow blames Junhui about their two Chinese friends’ situation, but Wonwoo, as much as he loves Minghao, reminds him that two are needed to start a relationship, and even if one of the parties can fuck the relationship on its own, this time both had their part to blame. But the other boy is stubborn and only shakes his head before sighing.

It was always the same, so they stopped being mad for that reason a long time ago.

“Are you holding together fine?” Jun finally speaks again, reminding the other two boys if his presence. The question is directed to Wonwoo, and frankly, he can’t really give a mature answer, so he just shrugs, looking ahead again.

“Why shouldn’t I be?”

“Because it’s Mingyu” Soonyoung answers matter-of-factly, but the implication is behinf the words again. Because Mingyu has all that power over you, he wants to say.

“That ended years ago.”

“You still had a breakdown, though.”

“Yeah and I also cried watching Hachiko because I remembered the dog I had when I was little. Don’t fuck with me” Wonwoo is a little annoyed, because even if they are his best friends, he still wants to think that he knows himself better. And all that prep talk couldn’t go to waste after all.

“It’s really different, and you know it.” Jun speaks again

“I already told you; it ended ages ago. I’m over him.”

Wonwoo fears another silence is going to fall upon them, another breach full of words unsaid because they still treat Wonwoo as if he was made of porcelain.

“I’m not a college student who is lost and needs an anchor anymore.” He starts again before the silence can really come, because Wonwoo is scared of it. “I have a career, I have a stable job, I have my own apartment, I have my friends, I have my cactuses; I’m successful, I even got myself a… whatever he is.”

Wonwoo stands up, a little smile on his lips when he turns to the two guys who are watching his every move still on the sofa “I’m happy.”

His friends face illuminates a little at his words, and he wants badly to believe. So he bathes himself with the happiness in his friends’ faces when he tells them as much. And Wonwoo really has the best friends ever.

And he falls asleep thinking as much, with Jun cuddling into his side like a cat, almost purring where his head is tucked under his chin, and Soonyoung splayed over the two of them like a sea star, his left hand close to Wonwoo’s own.

It’s been a while, but at least that night Wonwoo falls asleep with a little smile on his lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> watch me update this fic without having written another chapter oops  
> anywAYS did i told everyone that this is a slow burn fic?? yes it is

**Chapter 5.**

 

 

Seoul, Korea

 

The next course days had been nothing like Wonwoo had expected them to be, to start with. On his head whenever he imagined the day his ex-lover came back, the days passed as a storm ready to strike, dark clouds hovering every and each of his steps, the feelings on his chest getting tight wit fear of ever encountering him again.

What happened, instead, was nothing. Literally, nothing. His days had been going as they were before he knew. Before he was back. Wonwoo goes to the high school, gives his lessons and laughs with his students as always. He takes his coffee black on the teacher’s room and jokes with everyone, as always. He goes home and waters his cactuses a bit, before telling them his day (don’t shame him, his cactuses need it as much as he does). He then proceeds to revise assigments and prepares for the next class. At night, he watches whatever drama is playing on tv.

It almost feels like Mingyu isn’t even back.

Or maybe it’s the fact that he still doesn’t quite believe, at all. In his mind, it’s almost like everything is some sort of sick joke, something his friends thought would be funny, like the time the put fake spider webs on his door, even though Soonyoung always knew of his arachnophobia. What happened wasn’t pretty, and Wonwoo chuckles at the memory of his best friend pouting. But is slowly fades when he remembers that Soonyoung was only pouting because Mingyu was screaming bloody-murder at him, holding Wonwoo close where he was shaking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Are you really that stupid!?”_

_The younger screams, but in Wonwoo’s ears it seems like he is very far away, like he is underwater or out in space. He tries, really, to stop the hiccups and the trembling, but when he looks down at the webs on his hands, he only cries harder. The arms on his shoulders and waist tighten._

_“I didn’t know he would react like this!!” Soonyoung cries are louder and maybe they make Wonwoo flinch, but they also help him to anchor himself._

_“It’s a phobia, Soonyoung, for fucks sake, of course he is going to react like this!”_

_Mingyu screams again, and even though he hates it when the younger screams, he only fists his hands into his shirt, noting in his head how Mingyu, in his distressed, furious state, has dropped totally the honorifics toward Soonyong._

_“I’m telling you, I thought he was simply scared” Soonyoung’s voice is softer now, and when Wonwoo peers up from under his bangs, he sees the boy on the other side of their shared apartment, pouting with pure regret. Wonwoo feels a little bad for him, because Mingyu can be scary when he is angry, and Wonwoo is happy he can never be angry at him._

_“Gyu…” his voice is shaky still, and Wonwoo hates it, but then Mingyu looks at him with the softest look, and Wonwoo smiles a bit._

_Mingyu sighs, sending one last glare in Soonyoung’s direction, before taking Wonwoo’s hands in his own carefully and guiding his boyfriend to his own room. Once they are there, he locks the door, letting Wonwoo sits on the bed while he goes to the bathroom._

_Wonwoo fiddles with his sleeves, but the webs are still there, and they are sticky, so he grimaces. Mingyu comes back not long after, a damp towel in his hands and he looks absolutely stunning, his hair messy from running his hands over it and a dishevelled look on his eyes, clearly stressed and concerned._

_It’s all because of Wonwoo. And it’s beautiful._

_He sits on the floor in front of Wonwoo without saying anything, taking his hands slowly and proceeding to clean them up with so much care, as if he was porcelain. Wonwoo sniffles a little, shuffling to the edge of the bed so he is closer to the one sitting on the floor._

_“Hey…” he begins to say, softly, Mingyu looks up at him, humming slightly._

_“You okay, babe?” his tone is laced with concern and Wonwoo has to stop himself from melting right then. Wonwoo notices how he has finished cleaning him and is now playing with his finger._

_“Yeah,” His voice is still soft, but it’s not shaking anymore and Mingyu sighs._

_He runs his hand again through his hair and Wonwoo laughs when it sticks in weird ways. Mingyu tilts his head, like a puppy, but the glint in his eyes is there when he looks at him and Wonwoo can almost see the tail wagging on his behind. “your hair.”_

_Mingyu tries to fix it, but it ends being way worse and Wonwoo can only laugh before he reaches his now clean hands out and start petting the silky strands, sometimes letting his nails scrape against the younger’s scalp._

_Soon, Mingyu’s head is resting on his knee while Wonwoo continues his ministrations, his eyes staring dreamily up at him._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo is woken up of his reverie by the sound of his phone beeping obnoxiously on his table. He frowns at the device for disturbing him, but he quickly starts to shake his head, the thoughts slipping from his brain. It’s for the best, because those thoughts never gave him anything but headache.

And he is over Mingyu, damn it. Has been for a while.

It’s the knowledge, the awareness of the fact that he is on the same city on the younger, that triggered all those memories out of nowhere.

His phone keeps beeping, and just as he expected, is filled with notifications from his two overdramatic friends, but there is something that catches his eye more than whatever his two best friends have to say at the moment.

 It’s the groupchat, also filled with notifications that didn’t made a sound to begin with because it’s been a while since Wonwoo muted it, so his friends wouldn’t disturb him in class or any other instance to be completely honest.

But it’s one particular message that catches his eye more than any other. It’s from Chan, the youngest on the group.

 

 

**Groupchat: _Friendship is Magic 2.0_**

 

**Channie**

Why haven’t we added Mingyu hyung to the chat

He is back, right hao hyung?

 

**Genius PD**

Idk

 

**The best donsaeng <3**

He’s been busy

 

 

Minghao sound cryptic, and for some reason, Wonwoo doesn’t like it one bit. Another message pops from his thread with Jun but he keeps ignoring it, deciding to read all his friends had to say about this.

 

**Cheol hyung**

Add my son here

I need him

 

**Hansol(o)**

Hyung, not to b disrespectful

But u’re dramatic af

Also I feel betrayed

 

**Cheol hyung**

SORRY SON #2

But you came second

 

**Your star, 10:10**

Hansol has the trauma of the eternal middle child

 

**Channie**

Sorry hansolie hyung I didn’t want to traumatise you :(

 

**Hansol(o)**

Chan you’re too pure

I literally only have a younger sister

 

**Channie**

Now hyung hates me to the point of denying me Im sadddddd

 

**Genius PD**

Hansol did you really make chan sad??

Square up

 

**The most handsome**

gUYS

wer literally goin out of t topic

 

**Genius PD**

Jun I know you aren’t Chinese but your Korean is fucked up fix it

 

**The most handsome**

Ur face is fuckd up

 

**Jisoo hyungie <3**

Wonwoo

Are you okay with us adding Mingyu here?

 

 

 

Of course, it would be Jisoo, the only one considerate enough to remember him and the story behind everything they’ve been through. As always, his words have a bigger impact that whatever stupid thing his friends were arguing about, and everyone has gone silence after the last message. He sees Soonyoung typing a few types, before erasing completely and the chat is still without any movement.

Soonyoung and Jun must have been messaging about all of this, trying to prepare him after his last breakdown even though he told them he was perfectly fine. He sighs, ready to type an answer, but none comes.

His fingers linger over the keyboard, trying to form words, any coherent sentence that would sound like he isn’t affected at all.

He isn’t, he is just overwhelmed, he reminds himself. The male sighs, lungs filling with oxygen before his hands start to move finally.

 

 

**Wowow**

Yeah sure

Why would you ask hyung? Haha

 

 

 

He supposes it’s the best, acting as if nothing ever happened, as he did so many times before, until his brain and heart got the cue and decide to give him a well-deserved break.

 

 

**_The best donsaeng <3 added My gyu >.< to the groupchat_ **

 

**My gyu >.<**

Hey guys :)

Missed ur ugly faces lol

 

 

 

He is quick to exit the groupchat, and even quicker to change the contact name he had forgotten about so long ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is on his lunchbreak when Jun barges in the room. Wonwoo’s face doesn’t even show surprise, it’s not the first time one of his best friends shows up on his work, his co-workers already know the names and the faces like the ones they work with. Soonyoung usually asks him because he can’t be bothered to learn Wonwoo’s schedule. Jun, on the other hand, knows it perfectly, so he shows unannounced most of the times.

He feels the slump of the sofa before he sees Jun. He is sitting way closely that what any of his co-workers would dare to, and Jun is a clingy little shit, so much that many times Wonwoo had to face knowing smirks when the Chinese left, leaving him to clarify that no, he isn’t his boyfriend or a lover, and no.

This time, however, when Wonwoo meets Jun’s face, what catches his attention immediately is the new colour that frames his features. It’s blonde, but not the honey blond Jun used to sport when he was in college; it’s almost white, and his bronzed skin glows in contrast in a way that it’s eye catching to the point of having to stop and make a double take. Jun’s hair is styled up, bangs out of his forehead, and Wonwoo itches to run his hands through it. So he does.

“Stop!” Jun screeches the second Wonwoo’s hand contact the newly dyed hair “You’re going to ruin it.”

“Why?” Wonwoo asks, turning back to eating lunch and revising notes.

“I felt like a change” It’s all Jun says, but Wonwoo knows better and he simply nods, taking his notes with him and standing up. Jun doesn’t say anything and simply follows him.

“What happened this time?”

It’s actually nothing new. Jun have this habit of changing things about himself whenever he feels extremely bad. Wonwoo noticed back in college, the first time he showed up with his brow pierced, only to cry in Wonwoo’s arm a few weeks later, telling him about how he was considering dropping out of the career because he wasn’t happy.

He ended doing it, but once he was out of college, so was the piercing.

His hair, mostly, had to do with relationships, and most of the time it would be a more daring cut or a slight dye. Nothing too crazy. Nothing like this. Something must’ve happened for him to fry his hair out of his natural black to the almost white that greets the view now.

And Wonwoo knows, it has to do with Minghao.

“He won’t talk to me.”

Wonwoo stops his steps on the middle of the hallway, one judging eyebrow up. “You destroyed your hair because Minghao won’t talk to you? It’s not even the first time he does it, you dumb fuck.”

Jun sighs, a few steps ahead. His shoulder slag, his arms fall limply to his sides, his head down and shiny. He looks like he should be standing on the dictionary next to dejection, as a visual example.

“No, Won, this is serious.” Jun’s voice is small when he talks, and even if Wonwoo has seen the taller pinning a lot of times on the span of their friendship, he has never looked so… vulnerable. “He won’t talk to me, he leaves on read all the time, I tried calling him and he declined the call, Won.”

Now, Wonwoo is worried. Because it doesn’t matter how incredibly fucked up his relationship with Jun was, he never did those kind of things. Mostly, because he cares about the older and knows how sensitive Jun is under all the appearances.

“This is it, this is his going of saying he is sick of me.”

“When did this start, Jun?” The dark haired male walks to his friend, his tone gentle and careful as his hand is placed on the lower back of the taller.

“I don’t really know… more than a week, I guess…”

Wonwoo haven’t been talking to Minghao much, haven’t been talking to anyone that much, these days, but he supposed that everything was fine. Minghao usually talks to him about boy’s (read: Jun) problems, so this new information was leaving him puzzled and completely speechless.

“Maybe he is caught up with work, you know how passionate he is about photography.” Jun shakes his head.

“I went to the studio, I… I was really worried, Wonwoo. I asked if he had taken a new project, I even asked if it was in another city and he had forgotten to tell us in the thrill of working…” Jun’s speech begins to falter, his frame shaking slightly, and the frown is now evident onWonwoo’s face. “He… he was there. He was on his office, talking to someone… and he looked so… happy.”

“Junnie…”

“He never looked that happy, Wonwoo. He had this glow, it was beautiful. He was giggling like crazy and his eyes shined and for once they didn’t shine with unshed tear and I… I left.” A few tears escape his Chinese friend eyes, and Wonwoo swears he can almost feel the way his heart falls and breaks one more time when he remembers it. There is no emotion on his face, probably because they are still in the middle of the hallway.

“Let’s go, I’ll buy you ice cream Junnie.”

“Mint with chocolate chips?”

“Whatever you want.” Wonwoo smiles softly, taking the hand on Jun’s side on his before dragging him out of the high school, ready to treat his broken heart the best he could.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is late on the evening. Jun’s head is a comforting weight on his lap, but he hates seeing how red his checks are from crying, and the tv keeps running some show he doesn’t care about. He had informed Soonyoung about the issue with Jun, asking him if had known something about the whole… Minghao thing, but he it turned out he was as clueless as Wonwoo has been. Wonwoo didn’t even try to contact Minghao, too pissed about the whole thing right now to think properly.

Minghao should have known better, Wonwoo knew he cared about Jun, why didn’t he tell him he was interested in someone else? Was this some petty revenge Minghao was playing on Jun because he didn’t inform him of his date with the gym girl? In this moment, Wonwoo didn’t recognize the dongsaeng he had grown to adore.

He turns his phone on, ready to watch videos on youtube until Jun wakes up again and they decide it’s time to sleep, but one more time the notifications stop him from doing so.

 

 

**Groupchat: _Friendship is Magic 2.0_**

 

**Cheol hyung**

Hey my crew

 

**Angel hyung**

Don’t ever say that again

Its making me cringe and ruining the mask I have on

 

**Cheol hyung**

Let me live

 

**Angel hyung**

No.

 

**Seokshine**

What do you want hyungie!!!!!!!

 

**Genius PD**

So pure omg

 

**The best dongsaeng <3**

When will jihoon hyung stop fanboying over seokmin and chan

Its creepy

 

**Genius PD**

You’re just jealous.

You used to be cute and be my fave but now you’re

You

 

**The best dongsaeng <3**

Wow that hurt

Not really

Kys

 

**Genius PD**

After you

 

**Channie**

Guys1!!! It really is important!!!1!

 

**Cheol hyung**

I love my son

 

**Angel hyung**

I don’t remember adopting chan with u tho

 

**Channie**

Cheol came around to bring me lunch!! ^^

And we were talking

And it’s been a whole week since mingyu hyungie came back and the squad is complete and we didn’t even hang out :(

:(

 

**Cheol hyung**

So we’re having a get together!!!

Idc what yall have to do we are doing it

Friday 8pm on my apartment

Be there or be square

 

**Channie**

And no one wants to be a square!!!!

 

**Seokshine**

Well I guess spongebob wanted to but

 

**Channie**

Omg

Do you think spongebob really wants to be a square??

or was he forced???

 

 

 

Wonwoo is about to exit the chat, the uneasy feeling in his gut growing. But then, he sees it.

 

 

 

**Mingyu**

I’ll be there, I don’t want to be s aquare!!! :)

 

 

Well, Wonwoo wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to that “friend gathering” to begin with and seeing how angry he was a Minghao, but after reading _that_ message, he was sure. There is no way in hell he is ready to see Kim Mingyu again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go watch pentagon's new comeback bc i love mY BABIES  
> also did everyone see svt's photos from the japanese debut??? haohao looks so good ;-;


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit is starting to go down

**Chapter 6.**

 

 

 

 

_Seoul, Korea_

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh Jeon Wonwoo, you are SO going.”

The thing with Jihoon, Wonwoo has learned after years of friendship, is that when boy slash man makes up his mind, there’s nothing that can stop him from doing so.  Like when he decided to drop out of college (too) and start producing music.

And for unknown reason to Wonwoo, his goal right now is to make his life miserable by forcing him to go to _that_ stupid reunion.

Wonwoo shouldn’t be this bothered, he knows, he has told himself the same thing over a million times already, but there is something about it all that just makes his stomach and churn, and really, he doesn’t want to puke the first time he sees his ex.

“Why are you even so persistent in me going anyways?” He asks looking down at the music sheets scattered over the coffee table.

“Why are you so persistent in not going?” Soonyoung asks as he places down a tray with two coffees and a tea (for Wonwoo, really, Soonyoung only has tea on his kitchen because of Wonwoo).

He makes a face at the question, eyes looking in the other general direction before swallowing, shoulders shrugging.

“I just don’t feel like going.”

“Wonwoo, we are all going to be there.” Jihoon stars, elbows on his knees and body forward. “What’s the chance of the two of you even talking? It’s going to be thirteen of us.”

“It’s not about it’s just that…” he starts, but he soon cuts himself, sighing before looking up to the producer right in the eye “he was gone, so sudden, without a word, you know how that left me. It really took a toll on me. And, in my mind, we would never see each other again. I thought he had left for good, and I got used to the idea… he coming back changes everything, Ji.”

Jihoon sighs too, letting his body fall backward into the sofa, a little dumb smile when he notices the slight pout on his boyfriend’s lips, who is sitting right beside Wonwoo now.

“Why does he get to call Ji without getting his ass whooped?” He huffs, pushing Wonwoo a little and the raven-haired male in once again amazed by the ability of his best friend to act as if he hadn’t just open his heart one more time to the couple.

“First of all,” the smaller begings, ignoring his boyfriend’s whines “don’t ever call me Ji again. And Wonwoo, I’m telling you right now: you’re going to go.” Jihoon’s statement don’t let space for any possible argument as he stares right through, and really, Wonwoo is scared of all the power the producer holds in his tiny hands.

“Soonyoung and I will pick you up after you dress nicely, and we will take you to the restaurant. You’ll see Mingyu and you can choose to acknowledge him or not, no one is going to force you to talk or even look at him. And you will have a good fucking time.”

Wonwoo opens his mouth, ready to quickly dismiss everything Jihoon said in that moment, but his small eyes take a turn and the friendly caring glint is soon gone and replaced with seriousness. Wonwoo wonders if that’s the look he gets every time he starts doing business.

“If you dare to put resistance I will personally drag you there, Jeon. Don’t test me.” The shorter male declares, and it’s final. Even if Wonwoo came down with the flu he knew Jihoon would literally do that, drag him there.

“Want me to help you choose what to wear?” Soonyoung mutters after a beat of silence, having been awfully quiet during the whole exchange.

“Nah, that’s what Junnie is for” Wonwoo answers, and the fake-offended face Soonyoung puts on is enough to break the room in giggles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Over the course of a few days, Wonwoo has seen his Chinese friend becoming something he couldn’t never expect of him. He knows better than anyone on his group of friends how much a broken heart hurts, and how much something like that can affect a person. It had changed and hurt him in ways he couldn’t begin to describe. But one thing is suffering it himself, and something really different is seeing the always bubbly and excited guy barely cracking a smile.

Wonwoo is sitting on Jun’s carpeted floor, his back pressed to the sofa. By his side, his friend is looking at some random point of the wall, eyes wavering and watery and really, Wonwoo hates it. And who even cares about the dumb drama when his friend needs him.

So, he moves slightly, trying not to disturb the male, and quickly shuts off the tv.

The silence engulfs them in a heartbeat and once he realizes that Jun is probably too immersed in his own thougths to even care about whatever Wonwoo chooses to do, he scans the room.

Is dirty, in ways he never thought he would associate with his best friend. Dishes are accumulated on the sink, but they seem to be a few days old and he wonders if Jun has even eaten anything remotely healthy in the last days. And the answer comes to Wonwoo in the form of bag of snacks scattered behind the couch, the crumbles crunching under his feet as he walks and he is glad he has his socks on.

There are dirty clothes on every surface possible, yet Wonwoo can’t remember seeing Jun in them. But what catches his attention the most is how spacious the room suddenly feels. Wonwoo can’t really put a finger on what’s missing in the space, until his eyes land on a picture frame on the floor, and the realization hits him.

Jun has always been a cosy and warm person, always ready to invite everyone to his home and make it their own. Since he had left his own home at a young age to come to Korea, he always carried this homey feeling to him that Wonwoo had grown to love over the course of their friendship.

Jun have always declared that his friends are his family, proud and loud and with his silly square smile way too filled of good intentions, and he filled the place where he lives with pictures of every one of his friends, smiling, laughing, pics taken without anyone noticing. Some of them selfies, pics they have taken together.

The other part, the majority of them, taken by Minghao since a young age.

A gift Minghao had given him since they had started talking so Jun would never feel alone.

Now there weren’t any pics on the walls or on the surface of every piece of furniture and the room feels lonely and cold. Probably a perfect reflection of how Jun felt on the inside.

Wonwoo sighs, hand running through his already dishevelled hair before he starts cleaning a bit, taking clothes away and washing dish after dish and throwing away empty containers. And he is ready to do the laundry when he feels a shy tug on his shirt.

He already knows it’s just Jun, but when he turns his back his best friend has silent tears rolling down his cheeks, red-rimmed eyes puffy and swollen from the crying and probably lack of sleep. He looks at Wonwoo from behind his bangs even though he is taller, and the blonde locks look even paler with the blotchiness of his cheeks.

Wonwoo hates it.

“Can y-you…” Jun starts to say, voice small and raspy like he hasn’t really used it in days, and he visibly flinches at his own stuttering “hold me?”

Jun’s eyes shift back to the floor, and before he can even take back what he just said (Wonwoo knows him too well to know he was about to do it), the younger’s arms are around his middle, one comforting hand on his back while the other comes up to the nape of his neck, the little hairs tickling his skin as he tries to smooth them.

“It’s okay, Junnie. I’ve got you.”

“It hurts, Nonu”

Something about the way Jun says the nickname stirs an unpleasant feeling in his gut. It was a silly thing, really, and he should just focus back on his best friend on his arms, but he can feel the sting of tears on the back of his eyes. He wants to remind him how they agreed to never use that name again, but Junhui’s body is full on shaking now, and he can feel a certain wetness where Jun has hidden his handsome face, and he really doesn’t have it in him to reprimand his friend when he is in such state.

“I just… he… I”

“I know.” Wonwoo cuts the blabbering, his hands now gripping at him with some force to try and convey his feelings with his touch. He doesn’t want Jun to go through this. He doesn’t want him not eating or sleeping and letting his mind fill with every little wrong thing he ever did.

So later that night, when Jun has calmed down a little, enough to comprehend fully the words that leave Wonwoo’s lips, he takes him to his apartment with a suitcase full of clothes and a mental note to talk to Minghao as soon as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The man on the mirror sighs as he tries to smooth down the dark locks of hair without having them falling into his eyes. It’s just a stupid gathering, he thinks one more time, trying to imprint the words in the back of his mind where is too loud for his own good. The words Jihoon told him ring in his ears one more time and, really, Wonwoo is clutching into them maybe way too desperately, but he needs to.

His torso is still bare from the shower as he moves to the living room. Jun is playing games aimlessly while he waits for Wonwoo. He is all doled up, hair out of his forehead and even a bit of eyeliner on his eyes.

His eyes fall into Wonwoo almost naked form and smirks lazily, which causes Wonwoo to flush from his toes to his ears.

“Well, that surely is an eye-candy” Jun teases now sitting up, and the younger only glares at him.

“Shut up” he mutters embarrassed, already going back to his room.

“Jihoon texted and they’ll be here in 10, so you better dress quickly Wonwoo.”

It’s the last thing he hears before entering his room. Luckily enough, he had already thought his outfit and was waiting for him lay out on his bed (read: Jun did all of that and Wonwoo is really lucky to have such a great friend, but don’t tell him). It’s simple, dark trousers and an oversized pale pink sweater. He muses his hair quickly, and before he can give it more thought Jun is calling him because Soonyoung and Jihoon are waiting for them on the car, so he quickly puts his glasses on and takes his wallet and keys before heading out.

He can’t pinpoint which one is more nerve-wrecking, the car ride or the wait at the restaurant. But he can feel the clamminess on his own hands and hates how his guts are twisting uncomfortably as he sits under a string of fairy lights. It’s Mingyu’s all-time favourite restaurant, the one he took Wonwoo out for their first date.

The one where Wonwoo learnt that the younger had gone to the States.

He feels like puking, his mind fuzzy and dizzy in all the wrong ways and he really considers just walking out of there, all the red lights in his head going on. But he promised Jihoon. And Jun is there, and he can’t simply let him on his own on this moment.

But he wants to be selfish.

He wants to get up and run for his life, get away before Mingyu appears and really, no one should blame him for that. His head is spinning slightly and maybe it’s not just his feelings, but also the fact that the small space is crowded, and the smoke from grilling the meat is everywhere. Maybe it’s the condensation and the heath, or maybe that’s what he tells himself, so he can argue with the loud voice in the back of his head.

But he does know that his hands are trembling a little, and maybe he can’t run away as his insides are screaming to do, but he definitely can go and spray some water onto his face, take a little breather, before he come back to everyone and to sit there for a few hours.

So, he turns a little to Jisoo, who is sitting on his right and talking softly to Hansol, seemingly both boys immersed in the topic in hand. Wonwoo doesn’t want to interrupt, but he tugs slightly on said boy sleeve.

“I’m going to the restroom, I’m not feeling that well” he mutters and observes the way Jisoo’s doe eyes fill with concern and care.

“Do you want me to come with?” Wonwoo’s inside calm a little at his older friend display of care and affection, and he can’t help the soft smile that settles on his lips as he shakes his head.

“I’ll just spray some water on my face, its nothing hyung.”

The moment he stands up, Jun’s eyes are immediately on him, one eyebrow raised in concern, but Wonwoo is quick to smile softly, letting him know that everything is okay. Wonwoo’s feet drag him through the crowded restaurant, having made the same path countless times, and something like a dull pang hits his chest. He really needs that water.

The bathroom is, thankfully, completely empty when he enters. He rests his hands against the marble sink, staring at his reflection on the mirror one more time. Everything feels like is burning him, and he wonders if it has something to do with the countless memories. His eyes move from their spot to land on something behind him. Physically, there’s nothing. In Wonwoo’s mind, whoever, he can see Mingyu standing behind him, arms snaking into his waist or groping on his hips with a steely grip. He can picture everything, from the soft eyes to the lust filled ones, and the crash of opposite emotions are enough to make him dizzy one more time.

He lets his head hang down, trying to clear it from every little detail that had occupy in a matter of seconds. When he feels like he can move without having the walls closing in on him, he looks up again, straight into his eyes from under his bangs.

“Get your shit together” he mutters.

The water is refreshing against his heated skin and the shock of the cold is enough to clarify his mind from everything that isn’t the feeling. He lets the water run down his face and evet runs his wet hand through his hair. Maybe that way he will be able to stand out there without feeling like he is suffocating again.

Coming back to the table is still filled with thoughts, but this time, they are not intrusive, loud or unwanted, and Wonwoo visibly smiles at knowing he has succeeded in calming down.

A loud cry is hear on his right, and obviously Wonwoo turns his head to spot a little girl that have fallen down, face first. The poor thing is wailing, face red but it looks like there aren’t any visible injuries in her. Her dark hair sticks to his cheeks due to the wetness in them and her mother is quick on her feet to help her up and check on her. It’s endearing in a way, he thinks.

Wonwoo is so immersed in the scene playing on the side that he doesn’t notice that he is still moving, or the obstacle right in front on him. That’s it, until he bumps into it, hard, so hard that it makes him lose his balance.

He feels like the whole room is moving again, and he quickly shuts his eyes, readying himself to the fall and the pain that comes with it, yet he feels nothing. Actually, he feels lightweight, suspended in the air.

He doesn’t realize he has been holding until he opens his eyes and the first thing he sees are Mingyu’s worried eyes scanning him up and down, and all the air leaves him for good.

Mingyu is right there, above him, the fairy lights from the ceiling casting a halo over his head. His hair is a pretty shade of hazelnut and it looks like it had been styled to look messy and really, Wonwoo wants to tear it up.

He looks taller, more bronzed, bulkier. He doesn’t look older, yet at the same he does. But mostly, he looks almost foreign to Wonwoo’s eyes, yet at the same time he looks exactly like the college boy he once met.

It’s unfair how good Mingyu looks.

And Wonwoo doesn’t like it one bit.

He doesn’t like how he can’t seem to be able to breathe or to think, or even to move at all, completely frozen. This is not how he had planned to meet the younger again.

“Wonwoo!” The dark-haired is so into his own head that he doesn’t notice the cries from his friends. It seemed like the whole world had disappeared the moment he saw Mingyu, like some sort of sick dream.

Like one of his dreams.

He shakes his head when he is able to spot Jisoo right beside Mingyu, and it’s like he finally snaps out of it because he almost shoves the younger away, looking away to Jisoo. He looks concerned and Wonwoo starts moving to his side, not looking back even once.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo avoids looking on the general of Mingyu, which may also mean not acknowledging half of his friends, but he is well entertained on his side of the table with Jihoon and Jisoo and Soonyoung and their soft talk. Seungkwan, Seungcheol, Seokmin and even Hansol are being too loud on the other side, where Mingyu is sat telling them about his whereabouts and work and so forth.

He really is trying not to hear anything he says, but it’s like the younger’s voice always finds its way onto his ears. It sounds weird, he cannot help but think, because it doesn’t sound like he really is there. His voice is booming and raspy and everything the dark-haired male remembered, but it is also distant sounding, like there are a hundred of miles between the two even when he is right there, at the end of the table.

He has been doing good so far, apart from the little incident, Wonwoo hadn’t really peeked into the other end and he wants it to stay like that. But at some point, he notices Soonyoung sending Jun worried glances when he thinks no one is looking, biting his lip as if trying to keep his mouth shut.

Jun looked just fine this evening, as good as he could be with what he is dealing at the moment, but right now he looks even smaller than the day Wonwoo took him in. The confidence he was exuding earlier is nowhere to be seen and he keeps moving the food around, and one quick glance to his plate is enough for Wonwoo to see that he hadn’t really ate anything since Wonwoo went to the bathroom.

The Chinese looks too busy stealing quick glances to the left, where his friends are being loud, and even if he has his reasons not to look, Jun’s well-being seems way more important right now, so he turns his head discreetly, letting his eyes scan what is happening.

Everything seems normal at first glance, everyone laughing and chatting and maybe it could be Minghao’s presence, but that had never been motive for Jun to start acting like a lost child, not even on their worst moment.

So, he looks again, trying to do what he is better at: seeing more than meet the eye. It takes him a little time, but then he starts seeing it, clear as the day.

The way Minghao leans a little more onto Mingyu when he is telling something to Seokmin, the way his hands find their place on Mingyu’s arm like they should be there, how he laughs a little harder when Mingyu talks, and how the two look at each with a complicity that leaves Wonwoo breathless.

It’s there, in the way Minghao gives a little more meat to Mingyu and how he nudges him every so often to remind him to eat, the way he fills Mingyu’s cup over and over again.

It bothers Wonwoo, because Minghao never cares that much about anyone, is never so touchy with anyone.

Something bitter coils on Wonwoo’s stomach, a scowl finding its place on his face, and of course that’s the moment Mingyu decides to look into his direction, his eyes quickly landing on him. He looks at him with something he can’t really put a name, but it only serves to bother Wonwoo further. He is the first one to look away, a look of distaste clear on his face.

The first thing he sees when he looks away is Jun already staring at him. His eyes are slightly wide and full of so much sadness, he can’t really be blamed when he decides to stand up, taking out his wallet to pay for his and Jun’s serving, and starts walking out of there, Jun following close and without uttering a single word.

They leave the restaurant in complete silence, and they don’t talk on the walk home or when they reach Wonwoo’s apartment.

That night, Jun falls asleep sobbing, but Wonwoo doesn’t sleeps one bit, because it seems like the sun never set for him, and really, it bothers him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments motivate me to write faster


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7.**

 

 

 

 

 

It feels like that night set everything into motion.

Wonwoo is glad no one asks for his and Jun’s escapade out of the restaurant, but at the same time it makes him wonder if they were _that_ obvious, enough for any of their friends to bring the topic up because they know it’s touchy.

A little part of him wanted to know about Mingyu’s reaction after he left. An even smaller part of him wants to know if he it hurt the younger male to watch his back retreating into the exit of the bar.

It’s the part of him that still wishes to have some sort of power over Mingyu that scares him the most.

Jun didn’t talk at all the next day. It was an odd sight, but the fact that he was growing accustomed to see such behaviour on his older friend was what twisted his gut like someone was squeezing his intestines. Even after the initial shock, Jun continued to look more dead than alive. It painfully reminded Wonwoo of himself years ago, and that’s enough to see further than Jun had ever let him see.

It was obvious, from the heart-wrenching sobs the older would let out late at night, when he thought Wonwoo was sleeping, to the way his face fell every time he realized he had called Minghao’s name unintentionally.

It was there, in the slump on his shoulders and the way he seemed to scroll down faster on Instagram every time he saw Minghao had posted anything to avoid it. In the bags under his eyes and the dry lips and ungrateful posture he had adopted, so uncharacterised of him.

Jun loved Minghao. Probably still does.

Wonwoo always knew of the infatuation and the feelings, but he always played it off as nothing too serious, seeing how both of his friends never took action. It had been almost fascinating to watch, how the two of them had fallen into a ‘friends with benefits’ type of relationship back in their college days, the attraction evident. It was like pure electricity filled the air whenever the two Chinese males were in the same space.

However, it had been a total pain in the ass watching them catch feelings and being too dense to realize what was going on behind the façade of having a good time whenever one of them felt lonely. Everyone on their group of friends would groan and scream at them every time, but they would only continue to deny the evident. They never dated. They were never exclusive. Yet for years, one only had eyes for the other.

Wonwoo, being the best friend of one and the close friend of the other had been caught in between the two and had always tried to hint them about the feelings he could see so clearly. He had always thought they would make a cute pair, and somehow along the line they would fall in love and everything would be perfect.

It had taken several years and Minghao starting to show more affection than ever towards another person for Jun to catch on his own feelings. And for Wonwoo to realize the seriousness of them.

Jun is in love with Minghao. Probably had been since the first day.

And now Jun is dealing with a heart totally broken to pieces, not only because Minghao won’t talk to him, but because he seems to have started some kind of relationship with Wonwoo’s ex.

That’s enough to have Wonwoo involved in the tangling mess of feelings, right? Because whether he likes it or not, Mingyu is still his ex-boyfriend. The only person he ever loved dearly. And Minghao is not only Jun’s whatever, but Wonwoo thought of the younger to be something like a brother. A confident. Someone to lean on.

And so he had done, since the night Minghao confronted him with Mingyu’s word, he had leant on the younger. He had told him every one of his little insecurities and fears and all the things he had felt because of Mingyu, all his sleepless nights and tears.

He can feel the bubbles of jealousy exploiding inside of him and thinks of times past, when he would be green with jealousy for literally everything the younger Chinese would do towards the one that used to be his. Mingyu always reassured him that Minghao and him were only friends, nothing more behind the closed doors. He would tell Wonwoo he was the only one when the older told him about how he was afraid because Minghao knew him better.

So he had the right to feel betrayed by both parts. Because he chose to believe them, yet it almost seems like he was made a fool all that time.

At least, that’s what the dark voice in the back of his brain tells him.

How he was fooled and played with, how it everything was a lie since the beginning, how Minghao only ever befriended him because he probably felt sorry for him.

It’s dark, and it’s loud, the monster clawing at every part of him he can get a hold of only getting bigger and stronger until it’s all Wonwoo feel. The faces of the ones he loved deforming and becoming part of that monster too, every one of them laughing at him. The voices are screaming into his ears as they laugh and point at him and he feels like a clown, but at the same time he can’t move or do anything.

He doesn’t even notice he has been screaming until Jun is holding him on the floor of the living room, soft words whispered into his hair while they rock back and forth.

He vomits all the words into Jun in a rush to get them out as his therapist taught him while counting down his breath with the help of his friend, and Jun is quick to assure him too. He tells him how neither of them would do something like that to Wonwoo, how they would never play him like that, how is everything in his head.

It shouldn’t be, but it’s enough to calm him down again, enough to let the fabric of Jun’s shirt to spill between his fingers.

“Let’s try to not go back to the panic attacks, okay Won?” Jun whispers into his hair, and he can only weakly nod. He doesn’t want to go back there either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankfully, his mind seems to give Wonwoo a break once again.

For the next couple of days his phone is handed over to Soonyoung so he doesn’t get too overwhelmed with whatever keeps going on the groupchat and their social lives. Jun is still dealing with everything on his own, but he talks and opens up to Wonwoo a bit. On the mornings Jun doesn’t have an early shoot they eat breakfast together with Soonyoung and Jihoon. He feels the slight tension between the four of them and how most of it goes towards Wonwoo after his relapse.

He assures his friends that he is okay. That he will be. It was only the heat of the moment, too many things on his mind at once that triggered the panic. He conveniently leaves out the part about feeling betrayed and the part about Jun’s own feelings, because he knows it’s not his place to tell such things. And he can the thankfulness in the relaxed slump of Jun’s shoulders and their brief side glances.

When Jun feels ready to tell his friend about his real feelings, he will come around and tell them. Now it’s just not the time.

“Jisoo asked me,” Jihoon starts one morning when the four guys sit on the producer’s kitchen’s island. “he looked worried.”

“He and Jeonghan, actually.” Soonyoung chirps in, cheeks filled and rounded like a hamster’s.

“They always worry” The raven-haired hears his blonde mutter before sighing, proceeding to fill his stomach. At least Jun is eating regularly again.

“I’ll talk to them… whenever” He ends up answering, looking at the couple in front of him, but there is something more in their eyes, apart from the understanding of his words. Wonwoo will talk with Jisoo and Jeonghan, and probably Seungcheol too, but when he feels more stable and less shaken.

Soonyoung and Jihoon share a look, eyes locked and communicating between them without needing to actually use words. Wonwoo envies them a little.

“Everyone has been talking… mostly the younger ones, actually” Soonyoung starts talking after a thin coat of silence fall upon them. His voice is cautious and careful, talking to Wonwoo and Jun like one would do to a scared child.

“They want to meet again.” Jihoon, on the contrary, is blunt and direct to the point. It startles him a little, but at the same time he thankful for it because it makes him feel little like he is back to normal and like he can deal with it.

He looks at the both of them, who look mostly at him expectantly. He knows he has the answer for him and Jun’s part on his hands, yet he holds out his arm so his hand fall onto the Chinese’ thigh.

“Let’s meet, then” it’s the simple answer he gives his friends at the same time he squeezes the blonde’s thigh under the table, a shaking hand coming to rest on top of his and proud smiles saluting him from across the table.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After much thought, Jun ends up deciding he is not ready to face reality yet. Wonwoo knows his friend isn’t, but he is grateful he even thought about it, because he knows if he was the one in that situation, he wouldn’t even give it second thought.

Yet Jun tried, he really did, until the last second, when Wonwoo was taking his wallet and keys to head out. A simple “I can’t” whispered in the air to Wonwoo to catch on. The smaller didn’t even question it, only a nod of acknowledgement thrown in his general direction. He thinks he hears Jun mutter something along the lines of _good luck,_ but he isn’t sure.

His mind is fuzzy and his hands are sweating too much from the moment he steps outside, that’s why he declines his friends offer of take him there, because he needs as much fresh air as he can get. The air is effectively cold, and it helps to numb his feelings a bit, to clear his mind up of second thoughts and scary paths.

This time they are getting together in a small, cosy café, it looks expensive when he reaches it, all black and white paired with exquisite red brick walls and golden touches here and there. He can’t help but think back of the even smallest coffee shop he usually visits on his lunch breaks, the difference evident just thinking of both (and probably he will feel the difference in his wallet too).

Through the glass walls at one of the sides he can already see a bunch of people who almost look like his friends. He isn’t wearing his glasses today, so he can’t be sure until he enters the café, the obnoxious laughs reaching him and now he is totally sure it’s them. His loud and cheerful group of friends.

He counts head as he approaches and is able to see there are about 8 heads, his being the 9th.

It’s only his luck that when he gets to them, Mingyu is already there, sitting just across him.

“Hey, guys” He greets softly, a little forceful smile on his lips because his stomach just dropped, and all of them greet back loudly, asking him if he was feeling any better after last week. The only one who doesn’t is Mingyu, who seems too entertained with something on his lap.

He bites the inside of his cheek, mulling over saluting directly the younger to show some sort of power, or to show that he isn’t bothered at all by his presence, but both of those thoughts are major lies and Wonwoo was never good at lying.

“Minghao?” he mutters after sitting down and scanning all the faces. It was usual that some didn’t show up, but hardly ever the Chinese boy. He can’t stand the bitterness that flood his mouth and the way the name sounds out of his mouth, strained and forceful. He hates that even after everything that has been going down lately, he cannot help but ask (read: worry) for his young dongsaeng.

“He has a shot.” The voice comes to him like a fist to his face. Wonwoo wonders how, the same boy who minutes ago was unable to look up at him, now is answering him so usually.

It’s been a long time since he last heard that voice directed to him, and for a moment he feels like he is back on said boy’s college dorm, waiting for the food to be done and their friends to come. It rubs him the wrong way.

That, and the fact that Mingyu seems to now know their Chinese whereabouts better than anyone who had been there, who never left.

He doesn’t where the courage comes from, but with an arched brow and a stone-cold stare, he directs his gaze to the boy right in front of him. He can feel his mouth twitch and hopes it didn’t show up because really, it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair how Mingyu sits there, coffee cup casually on his hand, a white black t-shirt that makes him look younger and his perfect hair. It isn’t fair because different from the restaurant, now there aren’t fairy lights that cast shadows over his perfect features, but the sun is falling on him like it’s only natural, softening every edge and he looks so much like a puppy Wonwoo wants to cry and pet him.

His skin looks smooth and bronzed like dripping gold, his mouth red, his eyes… his eyes are looking directly back at Wonwoo, and once again he is breathless.

Because it isn’t like the restaurant, where everything looked too much like a dream and his tired brain couldn’t even finish its thoughts. Now, in the broad daylight and with his mind clear he can feel the weight of Mingyu’s stare on him. And it’s suffocating, yet he stands on his grounds.

He keeps his gaze steady, set on the other male eyes as if questioning him how he even knows so much. What is he doing here. Why did he even leave.

But Mingyu’s gaze is as strong, if not more, as his. His dark eyes seem even darker and there is not even a little friendly glint. And just then, when Wonwoo is about to lose all his pride and tear his eyes off, something dark, an emotion he can’t put a name to, crosses his eyes.

“Jun?” Mingyu is the one asking this time, but unlike Wonwoo, he is asking directly to the older, eyes still locked and the tension so thick he can feel Chan shifting on his side. It’s a weird question, he can’t really grasp it, but still he keeps his façade as if the question didn’t throw him off.

“Wasn’t feeling good.” He forces his voice to sound clear and loud, as if trying to demonstrate something once again, but he can’t help the shiver that runs down his spine when Mingyu eyes change one more time. There is no other telling of his inner thoughts but his eyes on his expression.

He is about to open his mouth once again, ask why he even cares suddenly about Jun when last time he didn’t even bothered to look in his direction, but his inner turmoil is cut off abruptly by Seungcheol starting to speak, saying something Wonwoo doesn’t really care about. He knows it was a technique to dissipate the tension and it works. Because both Mingyu and Wonwoo break their intense stare contest to look at the oldest.

The raven-haired hears the group friendly banter for a few minutes, a small smile tugging on his lips, before he decides he needs a dose of caffeine to keep the headache away. He heads first to the bathroom, water hitting his face once again to refresh his train of thoughts.

It’s only his luck that when he decides to head to the line to ask for his coffee Mingyu is the last one on the line. He stills where he is and seriously contemplates just going back to his friends and saying bye to his adored coffee. But he is inside, which means he cannot smoke, so he needs the caffeine in his system without a doubt. He huffs a little, damming his luck all the way until he is directly behind the younger yet taller man.

This is way closer than Wonwoo was okay with being to him, and that’s a lot saying a full person could fit between them and the taller isn’t even looking at him. He believes Mingyu didn’t notice his presence behind him, and he shoots glares to the back of his head. Why is Mingyu in line even? He already had a coffee, has he become some kind of coffee addict now?

He shakes his head before crossing his arms in his chest. He sees the line moving until Mingyu just in front of him is telling his order to the pretty barista, and he gags when he sees her batting he long eyelashes at him, the hearts literally coming out of her eyes. The fucking Kim Migyu effect, he thinks.

He is about to step in to tell the girl his order after Mingyu has paid for his and is stepping aside, but only a squeal lets his lips when a grip on his arms shoves him to the right.

Mingyu’s hand. On his arm.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He can’t help but hiss, eyes narrowing down in a frown and he shakes his arm until he is free from the taller’s grip. Mingyu remains unbothered, looking slightly bored and ahead to where the orders are getting done. Wonwoo is definitely annoyed, having waited for a while to get his coffee, only to be deprived of it now because… Kim fucking Mingyu.

“Hyung,” said boy starts, still not looking at him, and it only feeds into Wonwoo’s anger “stop, people are staring.”

“Well, I waited a long time to get my coffee and now I won’t because… because of your stupid games.” He spits the words, arms coming up to cross themselves in a defensive and anger manner. He gets a little satisfaction, tho, when the younger sighs and runs a hand down his face.

“Just… shut up, will you?” Mingyu has the guts to say between gritted teeth, and the side glance he sends his way is enough to make all the fight leave Wonwoo’s body. He still stomps his foot on the foot, and refuses to look his way, but for some reason he stays by Mingyu’s side (angrily, he would like to note).

He looks discreetly back at Mingyu, escanning his profile slowly, and he gets why that girl would bat her eyelashes at him. The rare thing would be the contrary. He only sighs, about to talk again, but once more he is cut before he even speaks, because his name is called from the counter. His brow furrows, confusion seeping into him when he steps up to take the coffee and a cookie from the girl that keeps saying his name over and over again.

He looks at her, head tilted to the side like a curious puppy and is about to tell the girl they got something wrong because he didn’t even get to order, when Mingyu steps in, maintaining his distance with him yet taking the order with a sweet smile.

“Thank you,” he says with a little bow to her, before turning back to Wonwoo and crashing both things into his body. “you never let me do anything nice, I swear.” He mutters angrily before coming back to their friends, leaving a dumbfounded Wonwoo behind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Wonwoo finally goes back to the table he gently asks Jisoo to move over, so he can sit down next to Soonyoung. He doesn’t think he will be able to sit there in front of Mingyu the rest of the time after that.

He keeps looking down between his lap and the coffee in his hands, and sips timidly. Instantly the sweetness and bitterness greet his taste buds. Even after all these years, Mingyu remembers perfectly his order, two spoonsful of sugar and a bit of crème, enough so it sweetens the beverage but keeping the characteristic bitterness at bay.

His eyes go up from under his bangs and land on Mingyu’s laughing form. He seems genuinely annoyed at Wonwoo before, and it shouldn’t make his feel all the things he can put a name to inside, yet he can’t stop them, just like he can’t stop the flush from spreading from his neck to his face.

Soonyoung takes quick notice and turns to him, the question evident in his eyes. The raven-haired doesn’t want anyone knowing about it, so he simply mouths it, “Mingyu bought it”, but the surprised gasp from his best friend is loud and a few eyes look at them. Mingyu’s too.

The tension is still there, hanging over them like a dark cloud, but it almost seems like most of it had dissipated with the simple gesture, and Wonwoo finds himself joking with the rest of his friends.

It feels good. It feels like home and if Wonwoo is scared, he can’t be bothered right now. No when he doubled with laughter, tears threatening to fall of his eyes as Seokmin keeps imitating a very irritated Seungkwan. Even Mingyu laughs along and for the first time in a long time, a comfortable warmth settles itself on the pit of Wonwoo stomach.

But his bubble of happiness is soon exploded. They are there, even Jihoon is joking of Mingyu and everything feels oddly domestic, until one of the phones on the table start to ring incessantly. Every pair of eyes land on the device that keep ringing and vibrating loudly, until a tanned hand takes it.

Mingyu pulls a face at seeing the caller and the traits of youth that grazed his face seconds ago when he laughed freely quickly leave his face. He dismisses his friends with a wave of hand and a restraint smile, and Wonwoo wants to believe that his eyes linger a bit more on him, but before he can even begin to overthink it, the younger is gone. He leaves the café, suddenly looking way older and tired, the slump of his shoulder more prominent and it only serves to remind Wonwoo the harsh reality:

He doesn’t know Mingyu anymore.

He may know the trivial things, but there are more than meets the eye.

That night, Wonwoo dreams of the sun and dark clouding his vision from it, forever a barrier between the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry if i take a little longer to post these days, i have a month left of classes and them exams :(  
> but i'll try to update as soon as i can!  
> Comments are my motivators, once again


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**

 

 

 

The smoke flies out of his mouth in time with the rest of the air. It’s a long exhale, full of everything that runs through Wonwoo’s mind in a futile attempt at trying to let it all out. But it doesn’t work out, because when he opens his eyes again he still sees the annoyed expression on Mingyu’s face when he had handed Wonwoo his coffee, and his ears still ring with the timbre of the younger’s voice.

It’s been almost a whole month since Mingyu came back.

And it’s been almost three full weeks since the café happening and the coffee that Mingyu bought him still has a dead weight on his tongue.

The cigarette on his hand keeps burning, the white paper and brown threads becoming an ashy grey while he looks at it, his mind racing with a million thoughts and more. He lifts it up again, pressing it against his lips as he inhales it. It’s his second one today and he can already feel the familiar and welcomed burn on his throat when the smoke starts to down to his lungs.

Everything is becoming a mess. Everything that once was okay, is slowly morphing into something Wonwoo cannot simply stop. The mere thought is enough to have him inhaling harder than expected, causing the burn to increase and the smoke to start to go down the wrong way, launching him into a fit of coughs.

With watery eyes, he reaches blindly for the bottle of water, cigarette forgotten when he chunks down the water to down the itch and burn.

“I thought you were quitting.” It’s Jun, going out of Wonwoo’s guest room in his sweatpants and a black hoodie. His hair is a mess and it falls on his eyes, and even with puffy eyes he still looks handsome as fuck.

“Quitting doesn’t mean stopping altogether.” He answers the older once he is able to speak again, but his throat feels sore and awkward. “It would be worse.”

“I guess,” it’s the vague answer from his Chinese friend, whose focus is now on the tv, searching for something to watch.

“Are you really going to see that?” Wonwoo snorts after Junhui stops zapping, his eyes turning interested when the cake decorators pop up on the screen to talk about the issues with the particular wedding cake.

“Yeah” is only a murmur because these days that’s all Jun is. A timid whisper, a tired whimper. That’s what love has turned him into and if Wonwoo didn’t hate love enough already, this would have made the trick for him.

The silence grows strong and Wonwoo has never been a talkative person, but it ticks him off the wrong way noticing the behaviour Junhui has been sporting for almost a month now. He can’t blame him; his heart is broken and Wonwoo is sure the pieces are sticking to his skin and trying to make the wound bigger with every step he takes.

But he does not want to grow accustomed to it. He does not want this to be it for his ever-happy best friend. And he is set on finding the truth behind all the weird happenings that had been going on lately.

“Jun… when do you have the next shot?” he asks because the silence is a heavy blanket on them and he is suffocating right now. But the only answer he gets is an excuse of a shrug, almost not there. “Okay.”

It really isn’t okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He has been trying to contact the younger since forever, but it seems like an impossible task. And it really it’s starting to piss Wonwoo off.

See, he isn’t a clingy friend. He is not exactly what you would call a good texter, so he doesn’t really ever text with anyone unless the occasional group chat, talk with his best friends or a quick text to hang out. He prefers calling and being able to now the tone of the conversation instead of trying to decipher it.

But that’s one thing, and another different thing is trying to contact one of his friends only to be avoided every damn time.

Minghao and him had never really texted, because they both are better being face to face anyways. If he ever had to rant to his dongsaeng, he would do it face to face, or maybe on a quick call. They would text to hang out and sometimes not even that, they would randomly appear on the workplace of the other and just talk from there.

Which seems to be the only way Wonwoo has right now to know about his whereabouts. He enters the photography study with a slight frown on his face. The boy on the desk recognizes him the second his eyes find Wonwoo and smiles a bit, bowing in recognition. Wonwoo nods his head in his direction, his gaze softening over the boy because he has done nothing wrong.

“Hey, do you happen to know if Minghao is here?” He asks, walking closer to said boy. He opens his mouth to speak, when the backdoor opens and they both turn their head in their direction.

Minghao is there, light brown hair falling over his face and camera handing from his neck. He looks surprised, his full lips forming a little “o” when he notices the older, and blinks quickly.

“Hyung?” he asks and Wonwoo kind of want to scoff because he doesn’t understand how he can look so innocent, like anything he has been doing is wrong, like he isn’t obviously hiding things from him.

“Yeah, _hyung_ is here.” Wonwoo repeats, stepping closer to the door where Minghao is and letting his whole face and gaze turn serious with every step. “Can we talk, Minghao?”

Wonwoo’s eyes study Minghao’s expression, and he doesn’t like the he bites his lips in a nervous manner, or how his eyes wander and shake for a moment before they go down to stare at him, widen ever so slightly. The way he nods his head is hesitant, and everything in him scream uncertainty. It’s such a horrible look on his always confident friend. Something he never thought he would have to see on the Chinese.

Minghao steps back into the room he just came out of, turning lights on and off so they won’t bother Wonwoo’s eyesight before retreating to a worn off couch on the other side of the room. They have done this a thousand times before, hang out on that same couch and talked about everything and nothing. But now, when Minghao sits down, Wonwoo stays up, arms crossed on his chest and looking down at the younger.

“What’s up?” Says Minghao after a beat of silence, and this time Wonwoo can’t stop the scoff.

“ _What’s up?”_ He repeats, his tone going a bit higher “That’s all you got to say now?”

Minghao looks dumbfounded, and it only makes the slight anger on the pit of his stomach to grow because he definitely has no right to play dumb. Minghao isn’t dumb.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’ve been calling you for days,” Wonwoo’s voice is dead serious, his gaze doesn’t shake even when Minghao starts fidgeting lightly on his seat like a little kid. He opens his mouth, probably retort the accusation with a witty remark, but Wonwoo beats him “don’t give me bullshit Minghao.”

“Hyung,” he whines a little, and for once he really looks younger, eyes filling slowly with guilt “I’ve been busy, if I had known you needed me I would have-“ the Chinese’s voice is small, but Wonwoo just asked him to cut the bullshit and he just kept it up, so no. He has the right to cut him right now.

“Busy with what?” He spats, and it doesn’t only shock Minghao, who looks up at him suddenly with widen eyes, but himself too.

“…work. Things.” He answers slowly, but Wonwoo knows him, he does, and he can see the way his eyes fall, and he shakes his head, so his hair falls into his eyes so Wonwoo can’t see them clearly. When Minghao says _things_ he means _Mingyu._

“What about Jun?” He doesn’t want to address the elephant in the room right now, and for as long as he can he will avoid it.

“What about him?” When the younger answers his voice is a bit lower, more dangerous, and his shoulders are suddenly up in a tense line. Everything about him is screaming at Wonwoo to stop, but when he thinks again about his best friend crying he decides to go on.

“Why did you stop talking to him like that?” Minghao’s eyes suddenly are visible again, looking straight to Wonwoo as if daring him to keep asking, as if telling him to stop. But he can’t stop.

“It’s none of your business, _hyung._ ”

“He is my best friend. It’s all of my business.”

Before his brain can even comprehend it, Minghao is up too, only a few centimeters between them, but Wonwoo won’t back up. He has a lot on his mind and a lot to say, and if it was only him suffering maybe he would shut up, but Jun is on the back of his mind and he can’t still feel him trembling on his hands.

“You read his texts but wouldn’t bother answering. You saw his calls but wouldn’t answer them. He was fucking worried about you to the point of coming here to see if you were okay.” His voice is no more than a heated whisper, but the tone is strong enough and he knows his words are having effect judging on the red blossoming on the pointed ears of the Chinese. “Do you know what he saw? You, laughing so happily with someone else while he was dead worried.”

From this distance, he can hear the low growl on the other’s throat and he can sense every little mood change that’s going on the other’s mind.

“I don’t care what you do or who you go out with, but I told you a long time ago. Don’t. Fucking. Hurt. Junhui.” Wonwoo steps closer and that’s all that’s necessary for their foreheads to clash. “You should have told him, you moron. Tell him you’re seeing someone else and stop this bullshit a long time ago. But you had to go and… you fucking killed him, Minghao.”

“Just like you killed my best friend once?” The venom sipping from Minghao’s voice is foreign for him, but he must admit that he has been pressing the younger until he had it there. But Wonwoo can’t help the shock from showing on his features, stepping back again before his eyes turn dark again.

“That’s all it was? Everything? A childish revenge?” Now, he wants to scream and tear his hair out because everything he ever believed is crumbling down and the voices were always right and that is almost enough to have him hyperventilating.

“God, you’re so fucking stupid.” Before Wonwoo can even comprehend the insult, he feels a tug on his arm, and soon enough he is sitting down on the couch, Minghao on his side and a comforting hand rubbing up and down his back.

He looks at the younger and that’s when he notices the blurriness in his vision. Wonwoo sniffs, rubbing his eyes with his fist lightly. It’s only typical of him not noticing his own state, and of course, Minghao would pick up on it. He always does.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up. It was stupid of me.” It’s the younger who breaks the silence after heaving a sigh, his hand stopping its movement on Wonwoo’s back.

“It’s okay…” says Wonwoo weakly before turning his head to his dongsaeng. He can feel the question on his tongue, itching him to open his mouth and asking so he can let his heartbreak finally. And so, he asks. “…are you and Mingyu a thing now?”

“What?!” Minghao almost jumps out of his seat, looking at the older like he has grown a second head suddenly, eyes so wide it would be comical if it wasn’t for his current state. Wonwoo tilts his head, confused by the reaction and waiting to know more.

“You looked… intimate the other night. And after Jun’s thing… I guessed…”

“No.” it’s the immediate answer he receives from the Chinese, who goes back to his place next to Wonwoo. “Mingyu… look, he just needs me right now. I’ve been caught up with work and Mingyu coming back and I haven’t had time for anyone else.”

The raven-haired looks at Minghao and can see the conflict inside him in the way he bites his lips, skin turning white where teeth meet it.

“And?”

“And,” Minghao stars after sighing again “you know how I truly feel. You know where my heart lies… I just wanted to try and get over him, you know?”

Wonwoo nods at this, understanding the hiding meaning behind those words, a little sad smile on his lips when he looks back at his younger friend.

“Don’t leave me on the dark again, will you?” it’s the only thing he can say at that moment, side hugging the brown-haired boy, and something feels right, but everything else doesn’t.

“I promise, hyung.” Minghao looks up at him and once again he looks younger that Wonwoo, all full eyes and little shy smiles “I love you.”

“Love you too, brat. But please, talk to Jun. He is a mess.”

The younger is about to answer, his eyes and whole face looking sad at Wonwoo’s confession, when Wonwoo’s phone starts chiming wit messages, and if they weren’t so persistent, he would just ignore them. But the beeping won’t stop and it’s getting on his nerves, so he simply takes out his phone and unlocks it, going to the messaging app.

 

 

**Your star, 10:10**

WONWWO

WONWOWO

WOOOON

I NEED OYU

I DID SOMEHITNG

REALLY FUCKING STUPDI

REMMMVER THE RING

I TOLD YOU AOTUT

THE FUCKIGN RING I BOTUH JIHOON

BACK IN COLELGE

BECAUSE I WAS SUTID

I SJUT

I

FOUND IT

NAD

I SJUT

OWNWOO

I JUST FUCKING DELCAREF O JIHOON

AND FHE FLEED

WONWOO

I MIGHT HAVE RUINED HE T ONELY GOOD THIGN IN MY ILIFE BECCUAE IM STPID

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure life hates me, so much going on...  
> this is short and feels like a filler, i'm sorry uwu  
> find me on https://curiouscat.me/jiyongsoftie and @offcialhao


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9.**

 

 

 

_It burns. Right on his back pocket and he knows it a silly thing, something he shouldn’t get worked up about. It’s not even that heavy or big, but he can feel it every time he moves the slightest. He feels the corners digging softly on his clothed skin. The jumper he is wearing cover him until his thighs, so he knows no one else could see it. But he feels as if everyone he passes on the street knows what he is hiding, knows what he has on his mind and is judging every step he takes. He can still feel the velvety exterior of the box on his fingers, so he rubs his hand harshly against his broken jean, grips the strap of his backpack tighter, looks again before he can start seeing dark red fuzz in his palms._

_It’s not even the box what worries him, but the implications it holds._

_And, of course, the gold ring inside._

_Something on the back of his mind is screaming at him not to do it. Red signals and alarms going off, but when has Soonyoung ever listened to his mind before his heart? He has found it casually, almost like it was destined to be found, like someone guided him to his old dance studio._

_He used to dance there when he was younger among other kids who didn’t have enough money to afford a real studio, so they just put mirrors on the walls of an abandoned warehouse on the skirts of the city. It wasn’t luxurious, nor big, and it certainly smelt like sweat and balls and other nasty things. But Soonyoung had learnt to dance there. He had escaped a reality he couldn’t stand to imagine bigger dreams, a better reality that maybe would come one day, the biggest scenarios and the best dancers around him. Whenever he stepped into the warehouse he was escaping to another universe, and the crowd would stand in awe after every perfect spin and pointed move._

_It had been everything he had loved once._

_But then Jihoon came into his life, with his sharp edges and little laughs and that serious face he always uses to keep people away. And he turned in every he loves._

_From the way fell asleep on his shoulder after spending the night on his own studio, to the way he nagged the older to take care so he wouldn’t break a bone (again). It became an habit: searching for him on the crowd, finding the younger in an instant, taking care of him as if he was something more valuable than gold, looking at him for reassurance every time he told a joke and only fully laughing when he had seen Jihoon cackling._

_They gravitated towards each other, Jihoon was his own planet, Soonyoung felt like the moon._

_He knew they would always be together. And the realization hit him so hard, six months into dating, that he bought a ring. And Wonwoo called him a fool when he did but he shrugged him off, promising to himself he would propose when the right time comes. And he hid the velvety box in the abandoned warehouse, where he still danced even though he was already in college, with nice, equipped studios._

_That was, until the warehouse burnt one day, and Soonyoung had been too lost in his own despair to think about the ring ever again._

_He has gone there, not even knowing how or why. Something inside pulled him to that exact point so many years later. He laid around on the dusty floor, knowing very well Jihoon would scold him later, but he did it still. And that’s when it saw. In one of the little places where the fire didn’t find home, laying sideways, so covered in dust and dirt than no one else would notice._

_But Soonyoung would. And he did. And he took the dark red velvet box, doing a quick work of cleaning it and opening it, the shock clear on his face as he saw the ring he bought once, but still as shiny and precious as the first time._

_Everything in his heart screamed that this was it, the moment he was waiting for. So, he ran._

_And he has been running until the breath is coming out of his mouth in short puffs, so he is walking, quickly, only a few metres until he reaches their shared apartment._

_He doesn’t even know how, but suddenly he is on their doorstep, door open behind him and his chest heaving while he scans the living room from his spot._

_“Soon?” the oh so known voice sounds close, so he walks until he is on the kitchen. Jihoon is sitting there, a cup of coffee his hand and looking at him with a raised brow at his sudden appearance but eyes fill with warmth. He is wearing one of Soonyoung’s sweaters, too big on him until his hands are nowhere to be seen, his dark hair is a mess and there are mark from their sheets still on his slightly redden cheeks._

_He looks like home._

_“Marry me.” It’s all Soonyoung says, the kitchen is silent but his voice is nothing but a whisper and he doubts the other male has heard him. But the emotions are clear on the stony eyes, at least for Soonyoung. Everything there, and he kind of understands him. It is impossible for them, here, on this city, on this country. They would have to fly away to do it but when they would come back their marriage wouldn’t even be valid. Not many would accept them, and even less with Jihoon producing songs for many famous groups._

_It was hard. It was almost impossible. But Soonyoung wanted the impossible with Jihoon._

_“You’re not serious” responded the producer, his mouth set on a scowl and ready to just let it go right there. Soonyoung knows better, he knows he should stop, but he can’t, not when Jihoon’s eyes are wavering in a way only he understands. So, he doesn’t stop. Instead he clumsily takes out the box, still darkened in a few spots with dirt and the passage of ages._

_“I know this isn’t ideal or romantic as it could be, but, marry me” he presses, his sweaty hands almost dropping the ring when he forcefully opens the box, a stark contrast with its pristine interior compared to the muddy colour outside. He can see the eyes squinting and scanning the box more than the ring. Everything is going wrong. Soonyoung is impulsive like this but he really thought they could make it work._

_“How long have you had this thing for?” The scowl is deeper and the voice icy, and Soonyoung gulps down around the pang of pain that shoots through his body._

_“I bought it six months into dating…” he doesn’t recognize his own voice when he speaks, too small and fragile and almost breaking. After that, Jihoon slams the cup down onto the counter, muttering under his breath something and he doesn’t even acknowledges Soonyoung when he practically run out of the kitchen and out of the apartment._

_And Soonyoung fears for the first time Jihoons has run out of his life._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything after that is a blur. Wonwoo runs out of the room, leaving a shocked Minghao behind. He will have time to call him later, once he finds out what his idiotic friend did. But now, he has to run and so he does. He runs until the shared apartment and once he is in there he runs again, until he is next to his friend.

Soonyoung is still on the floor, one knee down, but his head in hanging low now and his arms are dangling, a velvet box grasped on his clasped tight hand. With a low voice, void of everything that is Soonyoung, he listens to his best friend recall the painful story, while his mind cannot help but think that, right now, the universe sure is having his fun with him and his two best friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sun hits the back of Wonwoo’s neck as he walks down the street, the heat starting to make him sweat down his shirt and he can almost feel the wax falling down in thick, greyish lines along with it, as his mind drifts back, unexpectedly, to Mingyu.

Mingyu, who he hasn’t seen more than twice since he came. Mingyu, who left so long ago without leaving a trace. Mingyu, whose comeback has set everything into motion, even the falling apart of his friends seem to be related to him somehow. Wonwoo knows it’s stupid, trying to blame the younger for the pain in Jun and Soonyoung’s life – he even believes it’s stupid to blame him for his own pain –, because Soonyoung was reckless and he knows Jihoon will come around eventually, and Jun’s pain was like a bomb ticking in his hands and he chose to hug it instead of throwing it away when he had time.

But before, the time seemed to have stopped to Wonwoo, hidden in an eternal night where he made friends with the stars and grow to love the moon and its sheer light, where the wax in Icarus back stopped melting and he stopped feeling the wounds altogether. Mingyu has brought back the sun with a brightness that has left him almost blind, stripped him out of his safe place between the stars and it’s hot the sweat falls into his wounds making him hiss every time the salty liquid meets torn flesh and blood.

It’s a nightmare in day time, or that’s what he tries to convince himself of.

The streets now seemed different than before, something about Seoul seems be moving back. In Wonwoo’s eyes the city was losing his grey fog, the colours around seemed more vibrant, almost like the city wanted to come to live from a deep slumber. It’s so bright it’s starting to make his head ache in all the bad ways, and he cannot stop the smile that curls in his lips when he reaches his favourite café, all muted colours and wooden superficies.

He steps in, the strong smell of coffee cleaning his nostrils from the pollution from the busy street. There aren’t many people here even though the café it’s well located, in the heart of the city, but he is happy to escape from the chatter. He needs to escape from his own life right now. There are two middle-aged women talking in hushed voices on a table, and a mother with his child sleeping on another.

“Ah! Wonwoo, it’s been a while since I last saw you.” The ahjumma who owns the place greets him with a warm smile and a hand reached out from behind the counter, and the raven-haired holds it delicately, the wrinkly skin making him smile as he feels it with both hands.

“Sorry ahjumma, I’ve been really busy with work” he answers, feeling guilty because it’s been weeks since he last visited. The ahjumma used to be something like a pupil of his grandma and always doted on him. She smiles sweetly after squeezing his hand, taking it back to her.

“Do you want the usual?” she asks, nodding in an understanding manner, and Wonwoo can suddenly see how old she truly is, and he thinks back of his grandma. The woman used to take care of him when his parents would want to have a night alone, and those times were the most memorable from his childhood. This woman came into his life eventually, all soft edges and little surprises, almost like an auntie, but Wonwoo always felt too shy to call her that way. But he felt that she always knew anyway.

The meow from the old, fat cat sitting on the counter shakes him out of his thoughts and he nods quickly, making the older woman laughs softly. “Go sit, I’ll take it to you in a few seconds.”

He is about to turn and go to his usual table, the one next to the window where he can see the street, but in a way that the sun does not bothers him. He has this new book on his bag, waiting to be started, but he is meet with something hard and warm on his way back. And the worse part of it is that he can perfectly recognise who he just run into.

Mingyu looks at him startled, his phone still up and close to his face from where he was probably reading too. His eyes are big looking down at him, a secure hand placed on his side to prevent Wonwoo’s falling. Once more, Mingyu has stopped from falling, and he wonders if that’s a metaphor too.

The older takes a step back, successfully escaping from Mingyu’s grasp, and he tries not to think too much about the flash of disappointment in the younger eyes. He clears his throat, feeling the heat crawling up from his neck and trying to stop it from spreading on his face.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, looking down and right and everywhere but the younger. He hears the sigh, and it sounds so heavy and full that his eyes shoot up without him being able to do anything about it.

“I didn’t know you were here, this place just looks nice and I’m tired.” Mingyu answers a question Wonwoo hasn’t even posed but that must be written all over his face. And Mingyu looks so tired, it almost rubs on Wonwoo, suddenly feeling guilty for blaming him about nothing when the bags in his eyes look that deep.

“It’s okay.” The older says after a beat of silence passes between them. The smile that tugs on Mingyu’s lips is ironic, like he doesn’t believe at all, and for that one he can’t event try to blame him. It makes him want to erase it – he thinks he deserves a true smile after all.

The ahjumma calls Wonwoo’s name and he turns back again to take his beverage from her, but now he is totally aware of Mingyu’s presence behind him and before he can even process what his mouth is saying, the words are already on the air.

“Could you please give a large iced americano too? And one piece of those delicious cheese cakes you make, ahjumma?” That’s Mingyu’s favourite, he knows it by heart. He doesn’t dare to look back at him, though, so he just stays on the counter, occasionally petting Garf who is still sitting on the counter. When she comes back, Wonwoo pays for both of them, turning around once more, only to stretch his arm with the americano to Mingyu.

Mingyu’s face, to everyone else, probably looks unimpressed and stony, but behind that mask, in the dark orbs that are his eyes, Wonwoo can see the little spark of softness. He definitely doesn’t ask Mingyu to join him on his table, but he doesn’t stop him from following him either, so this time it’s Wonwoo’s fault that they are sitting there, and the sun is hitting Mingyu and making his skin almost spark.

He did this to himself, really.

“Hyung,” this time is the younger who breaks the silence, looking at the cake while he push a little piece around with the fork, and Wonwoo almost wants to take it from him and shove the piece down his throat, but Mingyu talks again, this time looking from behind his bangs timidly “can we… can we just call it a truce?”

Wonwoo doesn’t want a truce. He doesn’t want to acknowledge him at all, doesn’t want to have to deal with him or having to pretend that he is okay with it. He is not. But Mingyu’s voice is drained, there are so many things he doesn’t know about him now that he can’t even know if this is the same old Mingyu. If this is _his_ Mingyu.

“…yeah, I guess.” His voice isn’t much louder either, but enough for Mingyu to hear it, and Wonwoo wants to push a hand down his own throat to take out his heart for beating so fast when Mingyu smiles at him like that, like he is a young boy all over again. Like they are not who they are and don’t have the story they share.

“I’m glad, really, hyung.” Even his voice is less tired now, canines poking out slightly and eyes closing a little on the sides. There is something he doesn’t say, Wonwoo can feel it, and he wonders if it’s the same he is thinking in that moment.

 

 

_I’ve missed you._

 

 

“We should… leave the past in the past.” Wonwoo forces himself to say, looking distractedly out of the window. Maybe a truce wouldn’t be too bad. Maybe he could learn to be Mingyu’s friend. Maybe.

“Ah, hyung!” the exclamation takes him out of his thoughts again, making him look back at the brown-haired guy sitting in front of him. “There are so many things I want to ask.”

It feels weird. Wonwoo wordlessly accepted this truce, involved himself and his unresolved thoughts into the mess that is Kim Mingyu once again, but he can’t say that he hates it. Mingyu is acting right now like no time has passed, like nothing bad ever happened. It really feels like the time had stopped when he left and now is starting to tick again.

“Are you writing?” It’s the first thing he asks, and Wonwoo looks confused for a second before he remember his college foolish dreams. He shakes his head, looking amused at Mingyu.

“I was never that good,” he begins, and in the crease of Mingyu brows he can see the retort, but he is quick to talk again “I’m a high school teacher. I teach literature, mostly.” Mingyu’s pink lips form a perfect “o”, nodding softly. Wonwoo wonders if he ever saw him doing anything that wasn’t writing, and what he might think of him ditching his dreams like that, but instead decides he wants to talk again, because knowing any of that would be too much. “You don’t look like a professional basketball player.”

Mingyu laughs lightly, shaking his head and making his hair fall a bit into his hair “I was injured during a match. Had to be on a wheelchair for a while too.” He answers, and something coils in Wonwoo’s stomach at the thought of Mingyu being injured to the point of being unable to walk for months probably, and him don’t being there.

It simply doesn’t feel okay.

“I pursued a career in business” says the younger again, looking at him like he can read him “and I’m doing pretty good.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Mingyu.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo doesn’t even notice how long they’ve been talking for, but when Mingyu’s phone begins starts to ring obnoxiously it is like a pin just exploded their little bubble, and when he looks outside, the sun is setting. He is surprised, because it’s been a while since he has talked that long with someone that wasn’t Jun or Soonyoung, and he didn’t expect for Mingyu to be the person to get him out of his mind to the point of losing track of time and space.

He doesn’t want to intrude Mingyu’s conversation, but he side-eyes him and sees how his brow furrows in concern and how his jaw tightens as he listens to whatever the person on the other end is saying, and it hits him again. They may have spent the evening talking, but they are still miles away. Wonwoo, in Seoul; Mingyu, God knows where.

“Hyung,” Mingyu calls for him, but suddenly it’s like acid floods Wonwoo’s stomach, and he can open his mouth, choosing to look at him with a question in his eyes.

Surprisingly, Mingyu seems to get it.

“I have to go now” he adds then, but Wonwoo sees the way he hesitates, not even getting up yet, lips pursing before he is looking straight into the older’s eyes. “Can we keep in contact?”

The question is everything Wonwoo didn’t expect, so he needs to take a few breaths before he is able to speak again, and even with that, in his own ears his voice sounds unsure “My number is the same.”

With a last dazzling smile Mingyu is out of the door. And it’s then when the cold suddenly seeps into Wonwoo’s bones, damming himself for not wearing something else.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10.**

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo doesn’t want to think too much about the uneasiness growing in his stomach. It’s been another full week, Monday coming in strong and tiring as always, his students, tired from studying (or mostly partying all weekend), getting out of the door as the ring bells. Wonwoo is tired too after spending his weekend revising assignments, and he almost thinks about never giving another assignment again if he has to go through that hell of poorly written and redacted essays that butcher the lives of his favourite authors. But then the final grade would fall on the final exam mostly and he would have to face angry fathers who think they know more about his job than he does. And that’s and even bigger hell.

It’s been a whole week since he and Mingyu sat on his favourite café, the sun shining on the younger boy, sharing little stories with no real importance behind them.

It’s been a whole week since Mingyu asked to keep on contact, yet he hadn’t talk to him even once.

Wonwoo thinks about this, overthinks it and imagines a thousand of different scenarios. Maybe Mingyu doesn’t have his number anymore, and that’s why he asked, and all he got in response was that his number was the same. But even if he didn’t, if he really wanted to contact him he could get the number from the groupchat.

Maybe Mingyu was just being polite when he asked. It wouldn’t be the first time, Mingyu is too kind and can’t really stand confrontation. But that was _his_ Mingyu, is he the same in those aspects?

A smaller part of his brain, the logical one, thinks that Mingyu is probably just too busy. Knowing he graduated in business and seeing his smart fashion only indicates that he probably works in something of the field, so it’s only normal that he would be filled to the brim with work. But when has Wonwoo ever listened to that part of his brain to begin with?

On top of that Wonwoo has to face the problems of his two best friends, because, if not, what kind of best friend would he be? Jun is still moping around, crying on the corners. When it seemed like he was starting to get over it, it would only end in another relapse, love killing him in a total different way. For every step forward, he took two, sometimes three backwards, so really, it wasn’t looking good in any way.

On the other hand, Soonyoung is in a constant bad mood. Ever since Jihoon fled from his proposition, the sunshine of a boy has become reserved and quiet, still mulling over his poorly made decision in the heat of the moment. Soonyoung has always been this way, letting the anger he has over himself bathe everyone around. It was like a never-written rule, but everyone on their groups of friends knew better than to put Soonyoung, Seungkwan or Mingyu (when he was still a part of them) in a bad mood, because it wasn’t only them, but the energy around changed as well, a dark aura surrounding them everywhere they go. It’s kind of scary.

Jihoon came around eventually, after much coaxing and a promise from Wonwoo that Soonyoung wouldn’t bring the issue up. But things have fun tense there ever since. He and Jun had gone to Soonyoung’s a few times, but every time they would visit they would have to go before planned, the air surrounding them packed with tension, suffocating them both. Jihoon would hardly got out of his own room, and Soonyoung stayed quiet most of the time, and that was enough for Wonwoo to know that they should really talk things through.

But his friends are as stubborn as he is, sometimes even more, and Wonwoo can’t believe Soonyoung is letting his relationship with the actual love of his life die so easily, haven’t they all learned from him?

Wonwoo sighs, glasses heavy on the point of his nose as he massages the bridge and thinks, once again, about the whole situation, eyes trained on some random spot of the blue sky he can see out of the window. He suddenly misses the missing, misses the calm days even though they were sometimes filled with anxiety; in his own selfish way he misses when he was the one who had it worse. When he was still pinning after everything that had gone down but Jun and Soonyoung were bubbly and happy and without a single care in the world. He would rather be the only one suffering and having to be taken care of, if that meant his two best friends were never in any kind of pain.

A beeping noise takes him out of his own mind, his dark eyes quickly training on the phone on his table, next to another stack of papers to revise. He can’t faintly make out the words on the screen, but before he can see who the sender is, the screen goes black again. With a sigh, he takes it, unlocking it without really looking at it and going straight to the messages.

His heart stops on his chest.

 

 

**Mingyu**

I know it took me forever

Been busy

But hello

 

 

 

Isn’t this what he wanted after all? A week later, but there it is, hot on his hand and staring right back at him more than if it was on bold letters. And so does the “online” status after Mingyu’s name. He realizes he has been looking at the messages for more than 5 minutes now, his mind still slow to process but quick to understand that he should’ve answer by now when the blue tick of read has probably appeared to Mingyu.

 

 

 

…hyung?

 

 

 

The message makes his phone vibrate on his hand and know he realizes he has to answer, because without him noticing he has been staring down at his phone for almost teen minutes like a whole idiot.

 

 

 

**Wonwoo**

Mm hi

Sorry

Revising stuff

 

 

 

Lies. It’s all lies and Wonwoo cringes at the stiffness on his words, and he is lowkey aware that Mingyu notices it too. But Mingyu is nice, too nice for him and won’t confront him about it.

 

 

**Mingyu**

Oh, if you’re busy I can text you another time?

I don’t wanna bother

 

 

 

 _You never bother me_ , Wonwoo wants to say, but the words die on his way to his hands, the prefabricated lies he has been telling himself and other all these years making their way out instead, so he doesn’t look as pathetic, desperate, as he truly feels.

 

 

**Wonwoo**

Don’t worry, nothing that can’t wait

What’s up

 

 

 

**Mingyu**

Oh, good then!

I was just taking a break from work

And I saw this lovely puppy, hyung, it was truly adorable

I needed to share with someone

 

 

 

That truly is unexpected, Wonwoo thinks, brows raised and lost behind his bangs. He thought his texts with Mingyu would be a mess, awkward and too polite, a double meaning behind every word and every blue tick, but here is the younger man talking to him about puppies on his break as if nothing ever happened. And Wonwoo can’t tell if it’s a good thing but he feels like the years haven’t passed at all. He feels like he is on college all over again, Mingyu taking a break from his work on the café and walking down the pet store just to play with the caged animals.

 

 

 

**Wonwoo**

And I was your first option?

 

 

 

**Mingyu**

It also gave me a reason to text you

Without it being too awkward

 

 

 

The bluntness of the message is unexpected, almost as much as the easiness in their conversation, because Mingyu is a lot of things, but he was bashful and thought his words twice, more even when it came to Wonwoo. Or at least he was like that once, and maybe the raven haired shouldn’t be so surprised when the now man named Kim Mingyu still give 180º spins every so often.

 

 

 

**Mingyu**

He reminded me of her, hyung

He is exactly like Hamo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See, Wonwoo is a solitary person. He has always been this way ever since he was young, having a hard to socialize and make friends, or even trying to speak aloud in large groups of people. It isn’t fear, it isn’t anxiety, it’s simply that he could never really be bothered to try and fit with a bunch of persons that wouldn’t even appreciate him if it wasn’t for the effort he was making. Wonwoo is analytical and has a good eye to catch on people and their hidden reasons, and more often than not this feature of his has helped him to not lose his precious time with fake friends.

He appreciated that part of himself, even if in the eyes of others he was seen as cold and detached (or something along those lines), because the older he grew, the less patience he had to deal with another bunch of bullshit thrown his way. His mother, however, was really worried for her oldest son growing up. Watching him read had make her proud to no end in the beginning, observing with fascination how his grades went up and his reading and writing skills developed way faster than any child his age, but soon she began to also see the cons to all of that. Wonwoo looked lonely, and she feared the sadness would overcome him and hug him in  tight embrace before he even reached puberty.

She tried everything, really, she became the best mother to Wonwoo. They would go to the park together every day, she would make him go to play sports in hopes he would socialize with the other boys, and when that didn’t turn out right, she would take him to theatre lessons to see if he would talk to the other girls. But nothing ever really worked, and even if little Wonwoo smiled brightly at her, there was in his eyes a longing he wasn’t even aware of when they passed by children screaming and running, or when she would pick him up from school and other kids would make plans to see each other that same evening. All ever Wonwoo did was smile shyly at them before turning to his mother, a little slump on his shoulders that made his mother bit his lips in concern.

It took her a while, and a little more to convince Wonwoo’s father, but on his 11th birthday he got the most precious gift: he was gifted a best friend in the form of a Shiba puppy that he decided to call Hamo.

Hamo was a precious little thing from the start, her barks chirpy and full of light and her face bright with what seemed to be a huge smile. She was adventurous and always had the Jeon brothers on his feet and ready for action. Her fur was soft as cloud and her tummy was the perfect fit for Wonwoo’s hand.

She accompanied him everywhere. On the mornings, she would walk the boys to class with their mother, and she would be there when class ended, making sure Wonwoo looked only at her with her barks and pretty dark eyes. She would walk alongside him on the evenings to the park, and she would lay by his side when he read or did his homework. She slept in the same bed as Wonwoo even if his dad would scold him every morning. But when the night came and Wonwoo laid down, the puppy body moulding against his in search of warmth and protection, everything was perfect and the raven haired felt at home.

Hamo grew up with Wonwoo, until the college days when everything started to go down. Hamo was 7 years old when Wonwoo had to leave for college, 8 years old when Wonwoo met Mingyu, and a little over 9 when she lost her battle to cancer.

In a sense, the raven haired still regrets those two years. He regrets not going back home more and not spending more time with his family, but mostly with her. She gave him her whole life, and even if Wonwoo spent months without coming back, her cries of happiness when she smelled him never changed, the way she ran up to him the moment he got off the car never changed. In a way, Wonwoo took her for granted, so accustomed to Hamo’s presence, he never thought the day he would have to say goodbye would come.

But it came. And Wonwoo was by her side the whole time, holding her close to his chest the way he had hold her when she had nightmares when she was a puppy, the way he had held her when she licked his face out of happiness. He held her, tears running down his face that she still tried to lick off to her last breath. And during all that process, Mingyu was behind him, a steady hand on his shoulder grounding him, a low whisper reminding him that Hamo will love him forever, that he did good.

Looking now at the pic Mingyu sent him, the puppy truly looks like the one he held for the first time when he was only 11 years old and starting to understand loneliness. He had been devastated for a long time after she died, haunted by the thought that she might have felt the same loneliness she saved him from after he left for college. He can feel the tears working their way to his eyes, a shuddering breath escaping his lips and before he even understands what he is doing, he does the same thing he did when he went home only to find Hamo had cancer:

He calls Mingyu.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The older isn’t surprised at all to find Mingyu already on the shelter when he comes in. He had to actually revise stuff, so he is running a little bit late to this meeting. But being aware of the fact that the younger was going to be there (also thanks to a text informing Wonwoo that he had arrived 30 minutes before) doesn’t stop the shock because Wonwoo can’t believe it still and he still has to stop on his tracks a moment, processing the sight in front of him.

Mingyu is on the ground inside one of the massive cages, puppies of all races around him, biting, pawning, scratching and barking for his attention. The taller is wearing a black shirt with black skinny jeans and he is already covered in dirt from playing so much and holy shit the sight is breathtaking.

Wonwoo breathes in, his chest filling with air before walking up to the younger, crouching by his side where the puppies let him and pets a little Labrador that finds its way in his hands.

“Hey,” he begins softly, effectively gaining the attention from Mingyu, who looks at him with so much fondness in his eyes the raven haired has to remember to breathe out “you really are in your element here, uh?”

“They are lovely, hyung” Mingyu puffs out a laughter when a bulldog growls a little in a playful manner.

“I don’t think I’m ready for one, though” Wonwoo answers, still petting the little good boy who is sitting in front of him. He can hear the rustle by his side and hear the puppies whining before he looks up.

“I know.” The younger is now up, looking down at him with a crooked smile and eyes full of something Wonwoo can read. He offers his hand to him, helping the older get up effortlessly, and if Wonwoo lets his hand linger a little on the secure hold of Mingyu’s hand, the younger doesn’t say a thing. “let’s go see some kitties, shall we?”

Wonwoo nods, looking one more time to the puppies and then back at Mingyu, who is also looking at the puppies with a small pout on his lips.

“I promise I’ll come back to play guys” the younger says, and Wonwoo has a really hard time trying not to coo at him.

A worker on the shelter guides through the facilities until they reach a closed room full of random toys, and the most important, cats lazing around in different spots.

After Hamo’s passing, Wonwoo decided he didn’t want another dog. He felt that getting another dog would be like betraying her after everything they went through, and he couldn’t bring himself to take care of another living being when he could hardly take care of himself. What has given him the strength to adopt a cat on this moment of his life, he still doesn’t know.

(Maybe it’s because Mingyu suggested it).

The both of them are left alone to try to bond with the animals, but neither of them have ever dealt with cats before, so they sit down on a couch next to a few toys and look around speechless. There are cats in all shapes, colours, races and ages Wonwoo can imagine, and even if he didn’t think about it before, there is something incredibly magical about the way the creatures move around so gracefully.

None of the cats seem to mind them there, but neither do they try to interact with them, minding their business. The raven haired has his eyes on one specimen. Sitting on a high shelf that seems inaccessible there is a greyish cat with golden eyes that seems to watch over all the other cats. Its gaze is strong, and its posture is a little less relaxed than the rest of them. By his side, the meowing of a cat catches his attention, and he can’t help but laugh when he sees Mingyu surrounded by three cats, all looking at him with extreme curiosity.

“You truly are popular with animals” Wonwoo says, and Mingyu smiles at him.

“I should have become the animal whisperer or something” the younger jokes as the scratches one of the cats, its purring resonating.

“You’re better at this than me” He whispers softly, but Mingyu hears him anyway.

“Well, that isn’t exactly hard, hyung” Mingyu moves his hands to the older, but stops right before they land on his body. He looks shyly at Wonwoo, hesitating if he should touch him or not before his gaze turns determined suddenly, his hand gripping at Wonwoo’s shoulder and radiating warmth through the layers of clothes “you’re too tense Wonwoo, even I am afraid of touching you” he whispers the last part, but they are alone and the cats aren’t that loudly so Wonwoo hears him.

“It’s been a while since you called me Wonwoo” it’s all his brain seems to be able to process, and when he looks at Mingyu again, both of them seem equally surprised.

The air isn’t tense, but there’s something there that wasn’t just a second before and Wonwoo can’t stop blaming himself because he did it again, he opened up his big mouth and ruined a perfectly fine moment with Mingyu with his nonsense. Mingyu bits his bottom lip before he looks away, looking conflicted before his eyes grow big.

“It looks like you” he says lowly and Wonwoo doesn’t understand what he is talking about until the younger nudges him and points to a cat. It is completely black and it’s laying down next to a shelf full of books, and little cotton ball by his side and Wonwoo cannot help but smile when he sees it’s his favourite colour. Mingyu walks up to him and strokes him delicately, the purring resonating low before he opens an eye, lazily looking at the person who just wake him up. “he even looks like you when you wake up” the comment sounds casual enough, but Wonwoo can’t avoid the connotations behind his words; Mingyu remembers how he used to wake up when someone bothers him, how he still does.

After carefully manhandling the cat into his arms, Mingyu sits back on the couch beside Wonwoo, passing the sleeping cat to him. When it is fully on him, the ball of a cat changes position, seeming to find comfort in Wonwoo’s warmth and opens up slowly, revealing a patch of white fur on its chest. Its opens the eyes slowly, blinking away the haziness and fixes big green eyes on Wonwoo’s face. He meows loudly, paws up and reaching for Wonwoo’s face before in a sudden movement the cat has its head resting on the conjunction of Wonwoo’s neck and shoulder.

“I think it is the one” Wonwoo whispers, his heart full of something he hadn’t felt in a while and his head dizzy with affection to the little thing in his chest. He knows it’s too soon to be looking at the cat with so much love, but he cannot help it.

“Yeah,” Mingyu begins beside him and only then Wonwoo realizes how close he had to get to give him the cat and  how much heat the taller radiates “I think he is the one.”

When Wonwoo looks up, Mingyu is looking directly at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long and i feel like it's not even that good but life hates and it's crazy and yes i did project myself on wonwoo and his dog again sorry im having a hard time


	11. An update, but about the author.

I don’t really like sharing these kind of things which are so personal, but i feel like you all deserve to know. This fic is planned until the last chapter and I love it dearly, i plan on finish it, but... I cant tell you when. 

This last summer has been the worse summer of my life. My dog was diagnosed with cancer (see, when i say that i reflect on Wonwoo a lot), one that didn’t have a solution. One that was very similar to the one i lost my mother to. 

I spent my summer taking care of him, trying to stop his pain and giving him the best life possible, and to be totally honest, trying to come to terms that i was watching my dog die in front of my very two eyes. This may seem silly, but it was not only the pain from seeing a dog that i have raised and that was not even 5 years old, but the emotional and psychological scars that have healed poorly from my mother’s own sickness. My dog, my Kobe, became my most important support when my mom died. He was the one that was for me, when not even my own family let me cry he would lick my tears away. He was, for a long time, the only thing i had. He was my absolute best friend in the whole world.

This Sunday it will be two weeks since we had to put him to sleep. In a flash of three he got so bad that he couldn’t walk nor stay still, he couldn’t be touched because it hurt everywhere. It was a nightmare. To this day i still suffer anxiety and panic attacks. I still wake in the middle of the night thinking i can hear him only to then realize it’s simply not possible, so i enter panic mode. I know i’m ranting, but i haven’t told anyone all of this because... because a lot of people who said to ben my best friends don’t even care that i’ve lost the most important thing in my life.

I’ve deactivated my twitter, because i can’t stand to be there right now, but my curiouscat is still up. All of this long rant is only to ask for your comprehension and patience with this fic. I do plan on finishing, but understand that, right now, writing about two re-falling in love seems superfluous when my mind and heart is broken from the loss a second time in my 21 years of life.

Thank you so much for reading.

Love, Pac xx

PS: thanks for +2000 hits and +100.

PS2: A very special mention and thanks to Julie, my most faithful reader, the one who pushed to write this and someone who i love dearly. My nonu, i miss you very much.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on tw: @97mnghao  
> or scream at me in cc: https://curiouscat.me/yuqilovebot


End file.
